Be With Me Forever

#1
Awright, this poem is a little wierd, and im not really sure why i wrote it. The flow isnt as good as sum of my other ones, and it takes a strange turn round the second half of it, but ill explain my inspiration for writing it after

Be With Me Forever

You walk in the door, my beautiful girl
Just seeing your face, completes my world
Your stunning lips form a perfect smile
You say "Im tired", I say, "Stay up for awhile
We need to talke, please sit down"
I can see you're nervous, your smile turns to a frown
"Babe, i need to know how long we'll be together"
Relief sweeps over you, as you answer "Forever"

Forever, Forever, it runs through my head
I still can't believe this is the word that you said
"Forever, huh, do you tell him that too?
Don't fuck with me bitch, I know what you do
All the nights that i wait, and you never make it back
Do you think i don't know, what's going on during that?"
"He means nothing at all! You're everything to me
I want to be with you forever, believe me, please!"

"You say forever again? The only way that could be true
Is if til the end of time, you stay in this room
Cause I'm going to stay here, for the rest of my life
Remembering the last words, I heard from my wife"
"You act like it's over, like as if its the end"
"I wish it wasn't, but I'll never trust you again"
"Please, let me be with you, I want to stay"
"Ok, I'll keep you, but you can't leave after this day"

The room sweeps with silence, and i think to myself
If you leave my sight again, my heart will melt
Forever, Forever, Forever, Forever
I can't let you go, but i hate you more than ever
I don't want to see you, but i need you to stay
I'll do anything I can, to have it both ways
And then it hits me, I must put you to sleep
It seems you want to die, you scream it in the tears that you weep

So I end your life, with one swift swing from my blade
Your blood sorrounds me, look at the mess that I've mede
So i stab, and i cut, and i rip, and i tear
I gouge out your eyes with my thumbs, and burn off all your hair
I wish I could stop, but i must finish what I start
So I dig deeper through your chest, to find your black, broken heart
I Cut off your stunning lips, so you can smile no more
Hide you in my closet, and lock up the door

And now i destroy all the evidence, clean up all the blood
And i laughed and i laughed, til i no longer could
But then i think to myself, will anyone notice your gone?
Will the cops be after me? Is what I've done here wrong?
But you begged me to do it, you were the one
You couldn't be trusted, it had to be done
So now we have what we wanted, we'll always be together
Hiding away, just you and me, alone. FOREVER!



I actually had the idea to write sumthing like this, when i watched American Psycho, last week. I wanted to write about an average guy, who was sick and twisted, deep down. But I struggled and cudnt get things to work. But i don no how, but i came up with an idea, that in my mind, seemed better. Instead of having someone who was actually crazy, write a poem, about an event that set a man crazy. And then i thought of this idea, with the wife cheating on the husband, i thought it could be even better than my first idea. Have a man, that truly loves his wife, which in these days sum people might consider him a modern hero. But he loves her almost too much, and wen he finds out shes cheating, he confronts her. The thought of losing her breaks his heart, but if he stays with her hes afraid that she will continue cheating on him, and that breaks his heart jus as much. Faced with this delema, he goes mad, and makes a rash decisn. I jus found the irony of a great man, who is deeply in love with his wife, end up being the bad guy and goin crazy and killing her, very interesting

I don no if you guys need this explanation, but i thought that i should explain myself, so that you don think im gunna go and kill my ex-girlfriend or sumin lol. I dont relate to this poem and i dont expect you too either, i jus was trying to show, that in desperate situations, even the best of people, make stupid decisns, but it wouldnt hav been interesting, unless it was a total over exageration
 

ill-matic

Well-Known Member
#2
This is good. I like the plot line. It's kind of like a Shakespearean tragedy in my eyes (the story, not your writing LOL)

But on the real, it sounds good but it doesn't flow in some instances. I was thinking for the future you should flip flop your rhyming pattern a little bit - rather than going for the standard couplet, you can do a different pattern? Just a suggestion But then again, upon reading it again i'm getting the inkling that this is more suited as a sort of rap?

Good peice. Keep writing
 
#3
ill-matic said:
This is good. I like the plot line. It's kind of like a Shakespearean tragedy in my eyes (the story, not your writing LOL)

But on the real, it sounds good but it doesn't flow in some instances. I was thinking for the future you should flip flop your rhyming pattern a little bit - rather than going for the standard couplet, you can do a different pattern? Just a suggestion But then again, upon reading it again i'm getting the inkling that this is more suited as a sort of rap?

Good peice. Keep writing
As a rap lol?

thanks for the input, i agree it doesnt flow well in sum parts, but i worked on it for a few days and that was the best i cud do. Also i use different rhyming pattern in my other poems, and in sum i don even rhymn, i jus like to change things up a bit in different poems

but like i said, this poem wasnt as good as sum of my others, if u liked this one, i recomend u check out defeated ill, that one is much better
 

Rahim

VIP Member
Staff member
#4
lol damn man...this is some crazy romance novel/movie type skit...it would probbaly win a few awards if it ended up on the big screen haha..good job!
 

The.Menace

Well-Known Member
Staff member
#5
sup, man, that's tight. I was like damn, another love poem and then suddenly this turns into.....something very different, lol, no love poem, at least not love like u expect it but a blood bath. Haha, nice, u surprised me and that's good.

I can't let you go, but i hate you more than ever
yeah, something like this can happen.

peace
 

Kadafi Son

Well-Known Member
#6
Damn. What can I say bout that. Sort of a love/hate situation. And then murder...I sorta kringed towards the end, but yo, that was a unique and well written poem. It showed your creativity. And your creativity is way better than average. Keep it up

peace
 
#7
haha some sick shit man, i love it! lol

So now we have what we wanted, we'll always be together
Hiding away, just you and me, alone. FOREVER!

^^mad ending, definetly feelin this one!

peace.
 
#9
Great drop, reminds of of eminem's 'Kim', you've got a really good imagination and the visuality of your poems is brilliant - keep it up Saint :thumb:
 
#10
Wow that's scary and emotional. I think that a crime of passion is something real emotional, and regular, normal people sometimes get caught in them when they find out someone's cheating, especially if it's a wife, that'll fuck you up and make you do something crazy. I always try to stay confident about what I'd do in certain situations, but I don't think anyone could know for sure what they'd do if that happened to them. Just thinking about it right now, if that happened to me I'd probably flip out.
But that was a good poem it's a powerful idea and I liked the explanation.
~peace~
 

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