Bitter Words.

[ArtsyGirl]

Yeah I got alil political in this one, wrote it maybe over a year ago n thought why not? I write very casually not somethin serious but hope you enjoy:

Smoke raises from the barrel
Holding a blood soaked towel
Bitter to swallow
Bitter to taste
Existance gone to waste
Bitter to face
Minds become laced with lies
So deaf you cant hear the cries
Pain hits my chest water fills my eyes
Live in the worst and expect the best
War came down, peace missed its flight
All this talk of freedom I cant see it in sight

 

[TheCat]

i like it,

its a poem which you imagine with your senses!

well thats how i felt anyway. good job

 

[ArtsyGirl]

Cheers..

 

[kman_69]

`Kman says:
wow, that was good...are u sure u dont write much?...coz that reads like u do...
`Kman says:
real nice flow
jess.says:
every now n then i get the urge but its not often



hehe, for real...i like this one
Smoke raises from the barrel
Holding a blood soaked towel
Bitter to swallow
Bitter to taste
Existance gone to waste
Bitter to face

^^especially the start...

write more!

 

[Saint33]

defineatly write more, it has very good flow, and word usage :thumb:

 

[Devious]

very nice artisticgurl, i like the tone and vibe of this one. Like others said, you should write more:thumb:

 

[ArtsyGirl]

Thanks everybody

 

[tHuG $TyLe]

Smoke raises from the barrel
Holding a blood soaked towel
^The opener was nice, kinda envisioned it also.

Pain hits my chest water fills my eyes
Live in the worst and expect the best
War came down, peace missed its flight
All this talk of freedom I cant see it in sight
^Best lines in the poem imo.

Overall it was a nice poem.

8/10

 

[ArtsyGirl]

Thanks Thug Style

 

[RaDeK]

i like it, your talented

 

[kimbo_thug]

Ok start felt tha poem more towards tha end
liked it xx

 

[~live2tell~]

Great word usage, you should write more you got some talent

 

[XIAN]

That's real powerful, I liked it because it took on such a personal viewpoint, all the frustration of warfare.
~peace~

 

[The.Menace]

Ah I can't believe I missed this one. I like it a lot because it's very different to what I read here usually and also very different than the way I rhyme - I like it a lot, that's creative. Props.

 

[kman_69]

LOVIN this one!....politics is a good topic to get on....as long as you do it right...which u definetly did.


it reads so nice too....flow is real nice, even tho its choppy...it really works

peace.

 

[SicC]

Its simplicity is what makes it so good, simple worde usage with simple rhyming schemes makes it very easy to focus on your point. I like it.

pz

 

[GhettoStar]

Yeah I got alil political in this one, wrote it maybe over a year ago n thought why not? I write very casually not somethin serious but hope you enjoy:

Smoke raises from the barrel
Holding a blood soaked towel
Bitter to swallow
Bitter to taste
Existance gone to waste
Bitter to face
Minds become laced with lies
So deaf you cant hear the cries
Pain hits my chest water fills my eyes
Live in the worst and expect the best
War came down, peace missed its flight
All this talk of freedom I cant see it in sight

HOLY SHIT I LOVE THIS......I have to say this brought a smile to my face in real life, the flow is sooooooo good on here it is bananas...b-a-n-a-n-a-s......but on the real I have to say the best part is the fact that you kept it short but still was able to put a loud commentary in it as well, even if that wasnt your intention which I think it was I can sense it. The way you spoke is the way many of us feel bout everything that is going down right now, sometimes I just wish we could all just chill, make babies and say fuck war and power......shit all I need is peace and my beloved and such to be happy. Good job....cant believe I, and alot of people, slept on thsi soooooo long.

 

[ArtsyGirl]

Thanks everybody for your replies