"If Only..."

[Bigg Limn]

This is kinda long I guess...wrote it about a month after I broke up w/ my girlfriend and realized the error of my ways. I gave it to her and she loved it, and hung it up on the wall next to her bed. Let me know what you think, thanks.

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"If Only..."

If only the Great thinkers of the world
were actually right about the world.
If only they were actually correct
in assuming that all is an illusion.
That all is a figment of My Imagination,
Created for Me,
Created by Me.

If only those ignorant bastards were right for once,
and I was able to place Myself
anywhere I wanted . . .
I would be in Your Arms again.
Feeling that feeling only You can give Me:
That feeling of being needed.
That feeling of being Loved.
That feeling of companionship.
That feeling . . .
of Intimacy.

If only I could go back and erase what I have done,
erase the Pain I've caused You.
Erase those tears that outlined Your Face . . .
I would.
In the blink of an eye,
dear God I would.

If only I could erase the Memory of this Moment
of Our time Together . . .
So that We may start over anew,
fresh - cleansed from all past mishaps
and wrong decisions.

If only We could go back
before that night - to stop all this from happening.
The communication that we lacked could've saved Us.
Last night was the first time that I've prayed
since My days enslaved to the Church.
Begging the Lord to heal My sickness,
begging Him not to let Me lose You.

If only I could go back to that night,
I would change every word I said,
every thought I had, every move I made . . .
into a Positive one.
Something that would help You and make You Happy.
Not something that would destory You
and force You to rebuild.

If only I could go back,
I would make sure that night had NEVER hapenned;
because it left You completely shattered -
and makes Me wish I never happened.

If only I could go back . . .

 

[kman_69]

If only the Great thinkers of the world
were actually right about the world.
If only they were actually correct
in assuming that all is an illusion.
That all is a figment of My Imagination,
Created for Me,
Created by Me.

^^good opening, im assuming your talking about Einstien's view on 'reality'?

interesting peice anyways....but i did feel it lacked a bit of structured...i.e it just seems to be your thoughts written out...more structure would defintley make this peice more powerfull....perhaps some sort of rhyme scheme or something?...just a suggestion

peace.

 

[Bigg Limn]

No I wa smainly talking about the spiritual monistic belief that everything we see is an illusion, created by one mind & we are all just products/figments of this one mind.

And poetry doesn't always have to rhyme, if you look at a lot of poets they don't use "rhyme schemes." I used some internal rhymes throughout the peice, you can't really notice them - but that was the point. This poem was more for the message.

But thanks for reading.

Peace

 

[fisherM.A.N.]

because u didnt necessarily use a noticeable rhyme scheme or an obvious structure, it allowed the reader to focus more on the message.. which, i suppose, was what u were trying to do.. the emotions u portray are strong.. those of longing and regret and pain.. i bet a lot of us wish we could go back and do something over again.. but the choices we make cannot be unmade.. its really interesting to think of all the choices u've made in ur life, no matter how small they seemed at the time, and trace the course of events that ensued which lead to the present situation.. moral i guess is choose wisely.. because theres no going back..

~1~

 

[~live2tell~]

Nice writing Limn, was really feeling this. Great emotion and you portrayed your pain and frustration of regret very nicely, making it easy for the reader to understand and relate to. I espcially liked the structure, it really worked IMO, and I thought the ending was good too 'makes me wish I never happened' - finished it off perfectly.

 

[Bigg Limn]

Thank you, glad ya'll liked it, but sorry you could relate.

 

[C.A.P 23]

i think the others covered me on their views about your writing..
i think it lets that feeling of remorce to just melt in your mind nad make you think twice the next time u do something that might affect u later..
good work :thumb:

 

[DaRoYaLbRaT]

Ooo I'm glad i found this, Miss reading ur work Seth...

Feeling this, its different 2 wat im use 2 reading frm u thats 4sure, but I wasnt thrown of, u seemed 2 just float along with ur own feel or ur words Jst seemed 2 float, nothing felt like it was missing... I no this is an older piece but i thought id bring it bak, let chu no i was diggin' this...

pz