Im done .

[kimbo_thug]

Life draws closer to an end everyday
Cant help but think , how tha fuck it get this way
Friends come and go but never stay
You either with me or aganist me so stay tha hell out my way
Crying every day but still no one seemed to care
Asked tha lord to save me
But tha lord wasnt there
Whos gonna help me now
How can i keep ma head up when i dont no how
Aint got no more left to give
Everyone turned there backs on me got no reason to live
" if i should die " that would be bliss
Casue death has to be much better than this
So il just wait for tha end to cum
Cant go on with the pain fuck this shit im done .......

 

[FUK_BADBOY]

thats tight man im a use that in one of my tracks.. im a change sum of the words tho ight peace!!!!!

 

[The.Menace]

rules.


@Fuk_Badboy: EDIT: he's banned anyway,

kimbo: the line "Asked tha lord to save me" doesn't fir in your rhyme schema, you rhyme every other line but this line is kinda lost. work a lil on this piece cause I think it's good and got great potential, just this one line I don't like and that your ryhme "way" twice.

peace

 

[The.Menace]

open and up

 

[kimbo_thug]

didnt realise i rhymed way twice lol but for me tha feeling or tha message of tha poem is way more important than tha structe
whats the point of poetry with out feeling ? ?
but i can see what ya mean tha techinal side of wiriting im shit at so i appericate tha advice and intend to work on it !!

much luv xx

 

[kman_69]

So il just wait for tha end to cum


^^hehe that made me laugh....immature i guess

good peice...my only critisism would be that it comes across as if its trying to be a "2pac-style" peice...especially the content...maybe thats just me...but yeah

anyways, im feelin it none the less!

keep it up!

peace.

 

[kimbo_thug]

So il just wait for tha end to cum


^^hehe that made me laugh....immature i guess

good peice...my only critisism would be that it comes across as if its trying to be a "2pac-style" peice...especially the content...maybe thats just me...but yeah

anyways, im feelin it none the less!

keep it up!

peace.

Man u serious , thats tha way i feel if ur gonna start sayin to people ur trying 2 be pac then ya might as well say it to everyone !!!cant look no where with out seeing how pac infulenced people wether it be in poetry or songs or wat eva once u see more of my shit ul realise i aint tryin 2 be no one i just write how i feel
thanks taking tha time to read it xx

 

[kman_69]

^^nah dont get me wrong, i like this one...its dope....it just has that feel to it..

anyways, keep it up

peace.

 

[XIAN]

You seem sad and I can identify with that. I like this because it's so honest and I can really feel like you're opening to us, but I would say to keep writing and try to examine and pull-apart what you're thinking and dig deeper, and you may find the key to happiness. Sometimes I'll write something and then just stare at the line and just realize something about myself, and then go from there making some sort of self-discovery.
~peace~