Secret/Escape (G~mile/Ghettostar)

[GhettoStar]

replyed to: Thug Poet, Artistic Girl, Kadafi Son, The Meance and Kimbo (2x's) SAVE POETIC JUSTICE!!!!!

Secret (Inspired by Tona) (5-10-06)



Verse 1:
I have a secret to share but do I dare say/
What could cause pain to you in every single way/
I have a secret to share, but do I dare let go/
Of the emotional paradox that has ensnared my soul/
I have a secret to share. No, its not that. Listen to me/
See I know you know I want you kissing on me/
I have a secret to share, my faire beauty you already know I love/
Or the fact that I hold you so far above/
I have a secret to share, I care too much to hurt you/
Do you understand how much youre worth true? /
I have a secret to share, I dont know what to do/
Or if the truth would make you love me too/
I have a secret to share, you could not care, say I lie/
But if you deny this please dont think that your out of my mind/
I have a secret to share bout the one you care for dim/
For my dream the secret involves you, her and him/

Escapes (A sonnet) (Inspired by Marisa) (5-10-06)

Verse 1:

I always feel trap, lost in the sea of hurt/
It doesnt matter what I try and feel/
For inside my heart is a soul thats worth/
Everything your need to fly surreal/

Still I try and find out how you are/
Amongst the clouds inside the solar/
Although you say I am your shining star/
It seems so frigid and polar/

Aromas of love seems so forbidden, enchanting/
As I lay wondering how can I/
Show you inside my heart of hidden passion/
As I lay slumbering now I cry/

For inside lies me waiting to be saved from pain/
Please my darling, please do not have me waiting in vain/

 

[ArtsyGirl]

Both are nice probably prefer the second since I know whats kinda going on there Especially like:

Still I try and find out how you are/
Amongst the clouds inside the solar/
Although you say I am your shining star/
It seems so frigid and polar/

Nice word usage.

The first is good, I like the repeatative line but still the poem progresses somehow. Good Work.

 

[GhettoStar]

thank you'

 

[kman_69]

hehe cool idea qouting it tho...

i prefer the second one also, but one word of advice would be not to put to poems in the one thread as it leads people to compare one to the other...(unless thats your intention of course

 

[GhettoStar]

I really dont care either way people will compare so its all gravey. thanks again'

 

[kimbo_thug]

first off strong opening i liked them first two lines a lot
im reading this thinkin dam this is hot i like this shit lol
then tha second part blows me away
defiantly has more feeling in tha 2nd one
hope 2 see more drops from ya il defiantly b checkin them out
kimbo xx

Fav lines :

I always feel trap, lost in the sea of hurt/
It doesnt matter what I try and feel/
For inside my heart is a soul thats worth/

 

[GhettoStar]

thanks!!

 

[Devious]

i liked the Escapes better than Secret, but both are good.
I always feel trap, lost in the sea of hurt/
It doesnt matter what I try and feel/
For inside my heart is a soul thats worth/
Everything your need to fly surreal/

i really liked these lines here

 

[GhettoStar]

thats cool man, the secret is better if spoken word as I do it....much better in text(much like rap) you dont get the whole effect....thanks once again'

 

[GhettoStar]

up for the awards

 

[jm5471]

very nice piece, i enojyed reading it espically with a flow that isnt used all the time, nice work again

 

[GhettoStar]

thanks homie!

 

[Kadafi Son]

Sup...my opinion...
I'm feelin' both of em, my fav is the 1s one, probably cuz once I felt like that. It came across to me better than the 2nd one, but I still liked it though. Keep it real

 

[GhettoStar]

thanks homie much love!

 

[Ivory$horty]

I won't compare, just tell you what I liked about each poem...cos each one is different in my eyes.

First one:

I have a secret to share but do I dare say/
What could cause pain to you in every single way/
I have a secret to share, but do I dare let go/
Of the emotional paradox that has ensnared my soul/

Those opening lines were killer! Really dragged me in and made me want to continue reading. Like how you did that. Very smart.

Second one:

Still I try and find out how you are/
Amongst the clouds inside the solar/
Although you say I am your shining star/
It seems so frigid and polar/

I've felt like this before so to me...these lines were the best. I could relate.

All in all, I felt both pieces were good. You always have a way with words so...keep writing!

 

[GhettoStar]

Look whose back...thanks