This sucks, but...

[Farzin]

Well i wrote a little something and have been writing some poetry you could say recently and thought i'd share it with you gys.

It's not nearly as good as some of the stuff i read on here but enough talking here it is.



They say, life is unfair and hard
I say, life is defined by my scars
They say, only the strong survive
I say, I want to delegate my demise
They say, to live long is worth a kingdom
I say, to choose your death is freedom
They say, think about the people around
I say, they don’t care what I am about
They say, there's lots you can cherish
I say, an empty life is bound to perish.



Let's hear some feedback if possible please. Oh and don't worry about being absolutely honest i am not gonna lose sleep over it if you think it sucks.

 

[Jurhum]

WoW. very nice man. really short and percise.. keep on writing.. its a very good peice for starters.

 

[ImmortalTech]

WoW. very nice man. really short and percise.. keep on writing.. its a very good peice for starters.

word, i thought that was actually pretty nice. Some of the rhyming is a lil loose, but in poetry thats ok, i guess. But the concept of it is dope. Keep writin'

~peace

 

[Farzin]

Thanks for the replies. i really appreciate it. It gave the courage to post my other work that is a riddle/poem so to speak. Some food for thought.

Peace

 

[The.Menace]

I like it. It's simple but that's ok, cause it's the idea of the poem. I like the msg and yes I think you should keep tryin.

 

[Preach]

i always thought loose rhyming added some charm to poems. besides, they don't even have to rhyme at all. i'm not into poetry, i just stumbled in here and checked a couple threads, but i was moved

 

[Farzin]

Thanks happy you guys liked it. I posted some other stuff i have written if you want to check those out :-D.

I'll post a new one once a week to not flood this forum lol.

 

[Sebastian]

Nice idea.

My fav lines:

They say, think about the people around
I say, they don’t care what I am about

 

[Farzin]

^Thanks for the feedback. Check out the other one's too while you are surfing this section of the forums :-D, du hure.

 

[ArtsyGirl]

I agree with what everyone else said here, fresh concept definatly keep writing.

 

[Farzin]

^Thanks. I could post more but i already have posted a few others but this section of the forums def needs more traffic.

 

[ArtsyGirl]

Yeah doesnt help that the forums second to last on the list, but yeah shit happens.. Just a bit slow.

 

[Beautiful Angel]

That was very good...you are def too hard on yourself. Reminds me of some of my old work.....Keep up the great writing, seems as though you have a talent you didnt think you had.

They say, life is unfair and hard
I say, life is defined by my scars

WOW! those lines are amazing