Tragic Love Tale

[Ivory$horty]

Whatup my fellow poets? I know it's been a while. I was on some Romeo & Juliet type shit when I wrote this, so if it doesn't make too much sense to you, forgive me. It was the state of mind I was in at the time.
I'm a lil rusty, I haven't been writing as much as I used to but I'm hoping y'all can appreciate this either way.

3 hugz,2 kisses,1 love
~*Ivory$horty*~


Tragic Love Tale

I can feel you there…
Watching from the shadows of my heart
I can see you there…
With every beat it tears apart.
The distance in my soul…
Buried deep with secret words untold
I sense your fear and know…
Your love is lurking near.

I can’t go on…
Without you here to tell me
“Girl, I know you’re strong.
Don’t waste a second or a tear
Just please hold on…”
He whispers right beside my ear
“I never left your side”

The goose-bumps on my flesh…
Convince me you’re around
I feel it in my chest…
Without your tears making a sound
But my open wounds are sore…
As love’s knife plunges in deep
I fall to the floor…
Now my soul can finally get some sleep.

No, I can’t go on…
Without you here to tell me
“Girl, I know you’re strong
Don’t waste a second or a tear…”
But I can’t hold on, I whisper for his ears to hear
“Now I can be right by your side”

 

[~live2tell~]

Great comeback girl

This was written real elegantly and was different from the other poems of yours that I've read. I loved what you wrote about and it wasn't confusing, you managed to keep it simple yet the vocab you used and the way you put those sentences together is really beautiful.

My fave verses were the 2nd and last, i really liked the way you switched parts... great piece, keep it up (i know you will)

 

[k69atie]

Wow, this was really good, i loved it very emtional. you don't seem rusty at all to me!!

Keep it up :thumb:

 

[~DonmegA~]

wow, gotta read this again

 

[Hennessy]

The goose-bumps on my flesh…
Convince me you’re around
I feel it in my chest…
Without your tears making a sound
But my open wounds are sore…
As love’s knife plunges in deep
I fall to the floor…
Now my soul can finally get some sleep.


Great section here. I'm still not sure if by 'loves knife plunges in deep' you mean something else

Nah, but this was well written as always, i like this style from you too, i haven't read much of your writing lately, or anyones really, but i like this from you.

 

[Ivory$horty]

xxsaraxx: Thanks girl, I appreciate your words as always. I figured it was time to post up a lil something since I hadn't done it in a long ass time. I'm glad you could appreciate this for what it was.

k69atie: Thank you, appreciate you taking the time out to peep

~DonmegA~: Hmm, do I take that as a good sign? Thanks for peeping....twice

Hennessy: HAH! I hope you're not thinking what I think you're thinking, lol. Damn, you remind me of someone else with a mind like that (He knows who he is )
That line, wasn't intended like you may think. By love's knife I just mean, that love is killing her in it's own way, I just wanted to throw a twist on it. As always, your replies mean a lot, so thanks for taking out the time to do so.

3 hugz,2 kisses,1 love
~*Ivory$horty*~

 

[kman_69]

dope drop very visual...

who's it about may i ask?

No, I can’t go on…
Without you here to tell me
“Girl, I know you’re strong
Don’t waste a second or a tear…”
But I can’t hold on, I whisper for his ears to hear
“Now I can be right by your side”

^^i liked the ending

keep em commin!

 

[Blunted Dreamz]

Damn $horty, you make waking up so much fun!!! This poem is awesome!! I enjoyed it all, but really liked your hook for some reason.
“Girl, I know you’re strong
Don’t waste a second or a tear…”
glad you are writing again, my pens been sleepin on the pad lately.

 

[Belo]

Wow that was deep and emotional..and of course kinda sad
Loved it a lot.. and yea, was very Romeo n /julietish...
Great poem.. really enjoyed it a lot
Peace
Pizza Boi

 

[Cown]

Very nice poem. I liked the whole concept of it, the way you feel when the person you love is no longer there to love you and support you, it's hard and I think that you portrayed that very good in your poem.

The flow was perfect and it was a pleasure to read.

The imagery you portrayed with "love's knife" was great, really liked that part.

Again, very nice drop :thumb:

 

[Ivory$horty]

kman_69: Thanks for peepin', as always....you know I appreciate it. This poem, hmm....I was watching Romeo & Juliet, the original and I just got to thinking of how it would be like to lose 'my love' (the person who means the world to me) in that way so...I decided to get to writing since I hadn't in a lil while, and this is what I came up with. I know it's unlike a lot of my other poems but that's what I like about it the most. Again, appreciate you taking the time out to peep.

Blunted Dreamz: Dang, you know I haven't seen you around for a long ass time (Maybe the fact I haven't been on here all that much has something to do with it ) You know I'm such a big fan of your writing's, so this reply really does mean a lot to me. Thank you.

Belo: Thanks pizza boy! I'm glad you were feeling it.

Cown: Thank you very much. I appreciate you taking the time out to read this let alone respond.

3 hugz,2 kisses,1 love
~*Ivory$horty*~

 

[xXHizzo.M40Xx]

rusty G, shit... you got talent... this is real deep. in these 4 stanza's i think u just summed up all the shit that going thru my head... i gotta take my hat off for this... this is a poem i really feel... keep this shit up!

 

[shattered dreams]

this poem was very well written nicely done.....good way to comeback

I can feel you there…
Watching from the shadows of my heart
I can see you there…
With every beat it tears apart.
The distance in my soul…
Buried deep with secret words untold
I sense your fear and know…
Your love is lurking near.


favorite part gave me a feeling in my chest nice forshadowing

 

[LarssonO7]

Damn, you remind me of someone else with a mind like that (He knows who he is )

I know you weren't talkin' about me there...

Anyway, loved this piece ma', really puts you in that romeo and juliette state of mind, this is exactly what you called it, a tragic love tale.

The goose-bumps on my flesh…
Convince me you’re around
I feel it in my chest…
Without your tears making a sound

This part was written really well, almost gives you goose-bumps reading it.

I can’t go on…
Without you here to tell me
“Girl, I know you’re strong.
Don’t waste a second or a tear
Just please hold on…”
He whispers right beside my ear
“I never left your side”

That had to be my favorite part, I loved the way you brought those lines back in, great way to end the poem, you haven't missed a beat.

 

[Ivory$horty]

xXHizzo.M40Xx: Thank you, I'm really glad that someone else can feel this as much as I do. It does mean a lot and I do appreciate your comments. You can put your hat back on now

WhenUrherofalls: Thank you, your words are appreciated.

Jamal: Hmmm....I wonder who I was talking about *scratches her head* (you know that face you do? I'm doin that right now, lol) Thanks for peepin boo, you know as always, it means a lot to me. I'm glad you could feel it enough to almost give ya goose-bumps You know it's appreciated Thanks for peepin this pa.

3 hugz,2 kisses,1 love
~*Ivory$horty*~

 

[fatalone]

after all this time, im still feeling ur work.

one love

Kaz

 

[Ivory$horty]

fatalone: Thank you, I'm glad you were feeling this.

3 hugz,2 kisses,1 love
~*Ivory$horty*~