*Untitled*

[Jocka]

Couldn't think of a title for this so I just decided it'd be untitled for now. Lately I've been going through some times trying to keep in touch with my son who was adopted (see Do For Love for info). I wrote this just to release a little stress..

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Struggle for silence as the wind whispers and chants
Causing sanity to fade and patience to dance
Darkness reigns and the chains of life bind me
This never-ending emotion left open to remind me
The lust that sparked love that caused us to breed
And god only knew I would lose my own seed
If this all could change I would pray it to be
Just love and just trust, just Ryan and me
The lawyers, the judges, the court, and the 'trial'
The adoption, the 'parents', the birth mom in denial,
The 1000 mile drive to see you the first time
The 1000 miles back without an image in my mind
The weeks I waited for the pictures to come
The tears I held in when I saw my own son
The nights just like this when I wonder and smile
Because all of the drama would just be worthwhile
If I knew how you was and saw you were blessed
The heartaching heartbeats would calm in my chest.

 

[kman_69]

ah this was DOPE!

heart felt, mad rhyme scheme, perfect flow....really spoke to me!

maybe title it "Ryan" -i'm sure he'd love to read it some day.

peace.

 

[Jocka]

I was going to do that but i'm sure this isn't the last one i'll write.. so it'd be Ryan #1 .. actually about #3, i've wrote more just not on the comp

 

[jm5471]

i liked this poem, it was deep and had a good flow to it, keep up the writin

 

[Ivory$horty]

This was a really beautiful piece. I felt the pain projected through verse, I love how you wrote this. I know my saying sorry won't really ease the way you feel, but I'm hoping it will at least give some form of comfort, in whichever way possible.
Really touching, heartfelt, emotional poem. I hope the days will get better for you.

3 hugz,2 kisses,1 love
~*Ivory$horty*~

 

[Jocka]

thanx for the replies

and Ivory, i'm hoping it gets better too.. and if i can keep in touch with the adopting family then that's good enough for me. (which i'm in the process of trying to do)

 

[fisherM.A.N.]

ur emotional distress over not having ur son is evident in this poem.. "Struggle for silence as the wind whispers and chants / Causing sanity to fade and patience to dance / Darkness reigns and the chains of life bind me / This never-ending emotion left open to remind me".. u communicated well that u are very distraught yet there is hope.. "The nights just like this when I wonder and smile / Because all of the drama would just be worthwhile".. theres a light at the end of the tunnel, and ur poem describes that u keep that in mind as u presently suffer.. overall, u did a good job with the emotionaly aspect of ur message, and also ur flow and rhyme scheme were consistent and on point..

i hope things end up working out for u..

~1~

 

[Jocka]

^thanx for the reply.. yea i hope things work out 2.. if not then i'll just wait 17 years, and find him again..

 

[~live2tell~]

Couldn't think of a title for this so I just decided it'd be untitled for now. Lately I've been going through some times trying to keep in touch with my son who was adopted (see Do For Love for info). I wrote this just to release a little stress..

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Struggle for silence as the wind whispers and chants
Causing sanity to fade and patience to dance
Darkness reigns and the chains of life bind me
This never-ending emotion left open to remind me
The lust that sparked love that caused us to breed
And god only knew I would lose my own seed
If this all could change I would pray it to be
Just love and just trust, just Ryan and me
The lawyers, the judges, the court, and the 'trial'
The adoption, the 'parents', the birth mom in denial,
The 1000 mile drive to see you the first time
The 1000 miles back without an image in my mind
The weeks I waited for the pictures to come
The tears I held in when I saw my own son
The nights just like this when I wonder and smile
Because all of the drama would just be worthwhile
If I knew how you was and saw you were blessed
The heartaching heartbeats would calm in my chest.

Damn Jocka this poem is truly amazing, caught a tear in my eye whilst reading. I'm not gonna pull it apart because I loved it in its entirety. The whole piece was flawless. I'm hoping that your situation gets better with your son and that you get to show him your poetry one day. Keep ya head up till then.

 

[Belo]

whoa man that was deep.. made me hella sad when I read that hey... dun really know what to say.. it was a brilliant poem.. flowed so effortlessly but yea... truly brought a tear to my eye
Probably my favourite poem from you ever... flawless, to steal sara's word... but it was
Keep ya head up
Peace

 

[Jocka]

thanx for the feedback. Right now i'm trying to get a job before going any further on staying in touch with my son so that i don't suddenly quit sending mail cuz i can't afford stamps.. understand? lol nah but i'm trying to make the best of the worst..

 

[MX Red]

Causing sanity to fade and patience to dance
Darkness reigns and the chains of life bind me
This never-ending emotion left open to remind me
The lust that sparked love that caused us to breed
And god only knew I would lose my own seed


Fantastic lines.

Man i feel for you, must be the hardest thing in the world - wish my father felt like that. Ryan is lucky to have you, i hope things work out - although it seems like its all falling apart! Good luck bro - what else can i say?
peace
MX!

 

[Jocka]

thanx for the feedback .. shit's gettin harder around here, when it rains it pours right? .. but i'm a positive person and I see this ending with one bright ass day

 

[shattered dreams]

i have to say i like this the most out of all your poems ive read. loved the word choice and the rhyme scheme i agree with others very directly out of your heart. nice poem.

 

[The.Menace]

This is a tight poem, keep your head up

 

[ArtsyGirl]

Damn that was great, its crazy how something so good can come out of such a bad shituation.. Hope things work out, n I see you've been banned too.. bummer.

 

[babygurl]

this piece is madd tyte. I liked the whole flow of it and the emotion that exudes from it....nice piece ma!!!