a 100 dayz and countin'

[C.A.P 23]

i dont know if this is the right place to post thse lyrics of mine,becasue i'm a bit confused bout this section..anyway here it is..

a 100 dayz left to that day
where we accept a new way
of living and spending time
falling asleep gon be a crime
a bunch of men in their prime
in the dark,guards,and i'm
holding a weapn to serve
my land,hold your nerve
in the dark waiting for the sun
your trapped,you can not run
but why should u run now
enemy will come,win,how?
u put that question as a young soldier
in this scheme you a muthufuckin boulder
give em the cold shoulder
freedom,liberty holder
the night is gettin darker,colder
wanna leave but gotta hold ya
strength,and stay alert
u,the gun,and dirt
helmet, camo shirt
black boots,growing roots
a foe runs and shoots
die bastard,perish away!
anutha dream,closed eyes,say
anutha prayer to get through the night
pray for courage and the heart to fight
beg for some of that strength and might
cos freedom is your god given right,right?
picture you fallin down and crying
hell no!theres still babies dying
gotta do your share proudly
screamin to your peers loudly
the sky appears cloudy
anutha storm out here,''why me?''
beg for obstacles;fight me!
u aint got what it takes
a bunch of lyers,fakes
2 years from now and still here
same condition minus the fear


i wrote this on the day that there were 100 remaining to serve my military service..

 

[imported_MAKaveli_10]

i dont know if this is the right place to post thse lyrics of mine,becasue i'm a bit confused bout this section..anyway here it is..

a 100 dayz left to that day
where we accept a new way
of living and spending time
falling asleep gon be a crime
a bunch of men in their prime
in the dark,guards,and i'm
holding a weapn to serve
my land,hold your nerve
in the dark waiting for the sun
your trapped,you can not run
but why should u run now
enemy will come,win,how?
u put that question as a young soldier
in this scheme you a muthufuckin boulder
give em the cold shoulder
freedom,liberty holder
the night is gettin darker,colder
wanna leave but gotta hold ya
strength,and stay alert
u,the gun,and dirt
helmet, camo shirt
black boots,growing roots
a foe runs and shoots
die bastard,perish away!
anutha dream,closed eyes,say
anutha prayer to get through the night
pray for courage and the heart to fight
beg for some of that strength and might
cos freedom is your god given right,right?
picture you fallin down and crying
hell no!theres still babies dying
gotta do your share proudly
screamin to your peers loudly
the sky appears cloudy
anutha storm out here,''why me?''
beg for obstacles;fight me!
u aint got what it takes
a bunch of lyers,fakes
2 years from now and still here
same condition minus the fear


i wrote this on the day that there were 100 remaining to serve my military service..

Yo thats pretty deep. :thumb: :thumb: :thumb:

 

[Bigg Limn]

Read the rules: You have to reply to at least 3 other works before posting your own poetry.

 

[kman_69]

yeah reply to 3 posts man

cool peice tho...

anutha storm out here,''why me?''
beg for obstacles;fight me!
u aint got what it takes
a bunch of lyers,fakes
2 years from now and still here
same condition minus the fear

^^ending killed it!.....som real deep shit man...def feelin this....espically for a first post

so your actually over there now?

 

[C.A.P 23]

thanx for the comments y'all..

limn: sorry for breakin the rules...

kman: no i got a couple of months still..

 

[Bigg Limn]

It's all good, just do your 3 replies before Cown closes this. If I was mod it would be closed, but you still have some time.

 

[~live2tell~]

i dont know if this is the right place to post thse lyrics of mine,becasue i'm a bit confused bout this section..anyway here it is..

a 100 dayz left to that day
where we accept a new way
of living and spending time
falling asleep gon be a crime
a bunch of men in their prime
in the dark,guards,and i'm
holding a weapn to serve
my land,hold your nerve
in the dark waiting for the sun
your trapped,you can not run
but why should u run now
enemy will come,win,how?
u put that question as a young soldier
in this scheme you a muthufuckin boulder
give em the cold shoulder
freedom,liberty holder
the night is gettin darker,colder
wanna leave but gotta hold ya
strength,and stay alert
u,the gun,and dirt
helmet, camo shirt
black boots,growing roots
a foe runs and shoots
die bastard,perish away!
anutha dream,closed eyes,say
anutha prayer to get through the night
pray for courage and the heart to fight
beg for some of that strength and might
cos freedom is your god given right,right?
picture you fallin down and crying
hell no!theres still babies dying
gotta do your share proudly
screamin to your peers loudly
the sky appears cloudy
anutha storm out here,''why me?''
beg for obstacles;fight me!
u aint got what it takes
a bunch of lyers,fakes
2 years from now and still here
same condition minus the fear

i wrote this on the day that there were 100 remaining to serve my military service..

I thought this to be a powerful piece if writing.

In terms of flow and rhythm it was good and consistent, I liked the vocab and the layout and it read really really well.

Its also somewhat different to other poems I 've read on tb and I hope you post more poems on here, would love to read more from you.

I highlighted the parts that stood out to me, although I think the whole poem is damn good.

 

[C.A.P 23]

limn: thnx for the advise


xxsaraxx : thnx for the well explained feedback

 

[The_Destroyer]

That was great man. It could've been better with a lil' editing, but otherwise it was good. Keep doing what you're doing man, I enjoyed this one for sure.

 

[2pac4prez2004]

thats tight Cap

 

[C.A.P 23]

thnx prez

 

[onlygodcanjudge]

all i can say is.....heavy

 

[xXHizzo.M40Xx]

Pretty Deep G, good look when ur out there...

 

[C.A.P 23]

thnx homie..

 

[dedbrd]

this is a very deep poem, and one that can only be written by someone who has seen what they are writing about, not just envisioning it.

 

[C.A.P 23]

thanx for your comments man..