A riddle/Poem

[Farzin]

This is food for thought. I think it came out clever but it could be because i have the intelligence level of a near dead rat who suffers from brain tumor.

Let's see how many people can guess what it's about. So far nobody that i have shown this to has guessed right.


5000 feet in the air
Traveling at high speed
Trying to get some sleep
Beside me he sits with no care
His eyes had a blank stare
Lost I was in it reminiscing
Trying to reach out but failed
I couldn’t grab what I was missing
Turbulence made me turn pale
The seat belt sign was flashing red
He keeps going on at all costs
A journey at high speed with no end
I wish he’d give me back what I’ve lost


Ok the question here is who is "he"?

HINT: It doesnt necessarily have to be a person.

---------You can find the answer below--------------






EDIT: The answer is Time. Time flies - get it?

Would you have guessed it? does it make sense to you? discuss!

 

[Mr Marz]

his crackpipe?

 

[Farzin]

^Nope thats wrong, obviously.

 

[Goreman]

fear??

 

[Farzin]

No it is not fear but good try. keep em coming.

 

[Farzin]

Ok since nobody else wants to give this a try i am going to give away the answer.

The answer is Time. Time flies - get it?

 

[Farzin]

I still would like some more serious feedback on this, please.

 

[Rahim]

i never wouldve gotten this after seeing the answer...i was thinking it was a plane...and then i got the feeling that ppl were going to jump from a plane....kinda confusing and mixed thoughts...but yeah..thats as far as i got...

 

[Farzin]

haha yea it did come out a bit more confusing that i had planned. Thanks for the feedback.

 

[The.Menace]

The rhymes are confusing cause there is no consistency.

 

[GhettoStar]

Damn, I am stumped but I'll give you some insight.

1. Your rhymes need a structure to it, wheter rhyming or not, it just is missing any sort of structure to allow the reader to get even a flow from it
2. I am impressed that someone posted something that is orginal in though such as this, you should recieve kudos for this at least
3. I say continue to develop this technique because its not too often someone runs across a riddler. Riddles can turn out as good poems as well.

 

[Farzin]

^Thanks for the feeback. Yea i did kinda jump all over the place on this one. I blame the alcohol but it was also the fact that i tried to make it complicated and there is a fine line between a hard to figure riddle and bad structure. I def need to work on that some more.

PS. I read your work. nice poem.

 

[kman_69]

yeah theres isnt enough of a clue to get the riddle...

but really cool idea man... very interesting...

and nice format for the peice too..

any more?

 

[Farzin]

^Hey thanks for the feedback. Yes there is lots more if you look down the first page you can find them all.

 

[THEV1LL4N]

poem

thats quite good. i thought it was a rockclimber. of course i was wrong.

very clever. cos u can be lost in time.

 

[KJ1]

that was good..... i was thinking it was God..... kinda makes ya think doesnt it

 

[Jocka]

i was thinking sky but i liked the idea that you could refer to time as a man. That really moves the poem to a different level and makes it seem as if you can attempt to manipulate it. Or maybe thats just how i took it all in.
Nice poem though.

 

[Farzin]

Thanks for all the replies.

This is exactly what i inteded with this poem. I wanted people guessing and thinking of new ways to personify this poem.

It's interesting to read what people thought it might have been.