Best friend

[kimbo_thug]

" For a best friend who some where along the way lost the meaning of what a best friend was "

Feelings inside i cant even begin to explain
All i know is that things between us aint tha same
Tears come to my eyes, when someone mentions ur name
Cause i know that you dont need me any more the way i need you
Been there from the start been there to see me through

And i been there for you, through all sorts of shit
And now cause you got a man and i fucked up once
You tellin me thats it? Nah girl your trippin
Cause your all i got left, and if you walk away from me
The only thing i got is death

Member when he used to Hurt ya
I told ya "baby dont cry"
And wiped the tears from ur eyes away
But if ya wanna forget all tha stuff we been through
Suppose il have to be ok
Just know this before you go
i love you unconditionaly girl And il never let you go ...

 

[k69atie]

wow this is a really deep piece of writing, actually bought a tear to my eye, very emotional. great writing, keep up the good work :thumb:

 

[AmerikazMost]

Emotion and passion is good. It's obvious that you spoke from the heart, and have what it takes to be a good poet. Your biggest problems are in your technique. Your first stanza implied you were going to follow an AAABB rhyme scheme, and you abandoned it afterwards. Your last stanza isn't five lines and doesn't conform with the other two. Also, if you're going to use lines from others (the "Baby Don't Cry" from Pac), don't point it out. Let it your readers make the connection. Also try and shy away from cussing. It takes focus away from your deeper emotions.

 

[kimbo_thug]

thanks people amerikaz most wanted i have no idea what aaabb n shit like that means lol hit me up with a pm n explain id appericate it much luv xx

 

[The.Menace]

Emotion and passion is good. It's obvious that you spoke from the heart, and have what it takes to be a good poet. Your biggest problems are in your technique. Your first stanza implied you were going to follow an AAABB rhyme scheme, and you abandoned it afterwards. Your last stanza isn't five lines and doesn't conform with the other two.

Shit, finally someone that looks at poetry the way I do. I agree - I need a consistency too. See kimbo, in the first part your rhyme every line (explain/same,...) then you give that up and stop rhymin at all and that is what I don't like - it's just me - I need consistency to get into a piece.

 

[kimbo_thug]

yeah i feel ya ,
i need some 1 to teach me how 2 be consonsiste << see i can even spell it lol
i dont have a clue bout technique but im workin on it peace x

 

[The.Menace]

oh don't feel too bad about yourself, it's just my opinion.

 

[kimbo_thug]

dont feel bad just stupid lol !!

 

[GhettoStar]

" For a best friend who some where along the way lost the meaning of what a best friend was "

Feelings inside i cant even begin to explain
All i know is that things between us aint tha same
Tears come to my eyes, when someone mentions ur name
Cause i know that you dont need me any more the way i need you
Been there from the start been there to see me through

And i been there for you, through all sorts of shit
And now cause you got a man and i fucked up once
You tellin me thats it? Nah girl your trippin
Cause your all i got left, and if you walk away from me
The only thing i got is death

Member when he used to Hurt ya
I told ya "baby dont cry"
And wiped the tears from ur eyes away
But if ya wanna forget all tha stuff we been through
Suppose il have to be ok
Just know this before you go
i love you unconditionaly girl And il never let you go ...

I love the unconventional flwo you have going on, some of it rhymes and then some of it doesnt but it still flows like water, I also love how you incorpated many elements from your own true story, the best inpsiration is betrayal and love and pain, you have captured this like no other and hopefully all will work out mon cherie, good job keep posting we need more poets like you in here shit, reply to mine if you feel the need to

 

[Kadafi Son]

Aww man. This poem hit me right in heart. Truly a heartfelt poem and I ain't nothin' to say about how it was written but this piece had some meaningful words. Feel like Pac wrote this. Even though it probably woulda been a bit better if it had a consistent rhyme scheme, this is consider one of my favorites. Sorry it took months to reply