broken dreams

[MaKa\/eLiThaD0N]

in my mind of broken dreams
i hear different srceams
i have no clue as to what it means
is it the ricochet of plotted sceams
back fireing in my mind of broken dreams
ive seen my life in different scenes
i am lost by all means i try to pick up the peices
of my broken dreams.a shadow gleams over
me as i recolect my broken dreams

 

[Cown]

Reopened

 

[Cown]

Simple, but decent poem.

You had that "eams" rhyme going pretty well in the begining, but the flow cracked when you used "pieces"

Keep writing

 

[Buck_Buck_Bing]

This was really good, I think I will print it out and put it on my wall

 

[~live2tell~]

I'm with Cown, I like the simpleness and the flow was real good until you hit it with 'pieces' and it just didn't fit IMO.

 

[Bender]

Good poem, your form is spot on.

in my mind of broken dreams
i hear different srceams
i have no clue as to what it means
is it the ricochet of plotted sceams...

ive seen my life in different scenes

These lines stood out to me the most. You have writing talent, and it shows.

 

[Lili]

"ive seen my life in different scenes
i am lost by all means i try to pick up the peices
of my broken dreams."

^ I like this part, I can feel it so much. Your whole poem was talking to my heart. Sometimes the shortest poem can speak more than the longest poem. I really like this poem of yours, your write good.

 

[The.Menace]

Simple, but decent poem.

You had that "eams" rhyme going pretty well in the begining, but the flow cracked when you used "pieces"

Keep writing

I agree. The beging was good but something went wrong later on, also I feel like you used the word "dreams" too often.

 

[True Thugz]

I liked it. Flowed nicely. Pretty depressing piece.
All g!

Keep it up

 

[assassin_4001]

niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice,,,,,,the simplicity in this piece is amazing,,,,the only thing that messed it upp was the "pieces"you put in these sentences,,,other than that keep up the good work and give us more