Check my flow-please...

[WestRhymes]

If you got it, throw on Rakim - The Master and listen to the beat from the Intro song. IMO, this flows perfectly when I say it. Opinons?

I'm needing to smoke-trees but see I'm no dope-fiend;
'Cause you know how the smoke-seems yo when its rolled-clean;
From toking-weed, to slow-beats, to becoming a old-g;
I wanna control-schemes on how to perfectly grow-green;
Theres no-need arresting us, for only-seeds;
My flow-keeps moving on the low-key of composed-scenes;
To show-me what its takes to slowly be the go-d;
I need to know-see how exactly to make that pro-cheese;
Pass me the dough-please so I can roll-it and bake-it;
Hating the fake-shit no one seems know where they're place-is;
Producing great-hits without any meaning or placement;
Real cats contemplate wondering where the race-went;
Remembering days-when artists played the game-with-pens;
The pain-is-dead its about the money-and-greed;
Its funny-to-me how they make hundreds-of-gs;
Yet still count one-two-tree then gun-and-bleed;
Its-done-proceed clear the sky so the sun-can-seep;
Through the darkness so lets stand-and-scream;
demand-to-see what a real made man-can-be;

 

[BigTymeBaller662]

I like this. Its pretty skilled cause of all tha multis u have. But some if it kinda might have some forced stuff in there. But most of it was good. And my favorite lines were...

My flow-keeps moving on the low-key of composed-scenes;
To show-me what its takes to slowly be the go-d;

Anyways, you got skills so keep it up.

 

[CalcuoCuchicheo]

BigTymeBaller662 basically nailed my opinion with the start of his post.

It's good to see you want to use multis, although some do appear forced & perhaps at times the flow suffers because of the saturation of multis.

But good nevertheless :thumb:

 

[Swollen_Member]

What are 'multi's"?? Nice rhymes btw :thumb:

 

[WestRhymes]

Thanks, I was trying to play with the same multi rhyme as long as possible. Content was just a after thought.

 

[nebb1234]

twas forced in parts, but it did maintain the rediculous rhyming throughout, so a sacrafice was made in part but it paid out cause that was a tongue twister for sure. good shit

 

[ImmortalTech]

tthat was dope, like ppl pointed out, it did seem kinda forced at parts, but that really only depends on the person flowing it. Me flowing that tomyself would be different from how u flowed it, so in all depending on ur floww it coulda been an almost flawless peice or a dope verse with few forced lines.

Anyways here i thoughtu should change it from:
From toking-weed, to slow-beats, to becoming a old-g;
to...
From toking-weed, to slow-beats, to becoming old-g's;

...just sounded better to me... anyway,tight shit

~peace

 

[The.Menace]

I like it.

 

[Rukas]

The whole E's rhyme scheme (g's, see, weed, greed, etc etc) becomes real played out real quick and after about 4 bars just sounds wrong.

Record it and you'll see.

As for flow, theres no way to judge YOUR flow without you recording it, otherwise when I read it and I flow it Im juding MY flow.

Props though, keep elevating.

 

[WayCide-Ridah]

nice piece...like others said, at parts it does seemed forced..
Overall I like it, just some off the chain wit stuff, u know...actually went perfect wit the beat i was listening to...keep postin'