explicit prayer

[C.A.P 23]

this is one of those things that i write in the night/morning,half asleep and half awake,i dont its at this kind of circumstances that any reasonable criteria i got on writing get diminished by the fatigue of the time im writing..anw,this is soething o wrote a month or so ago,it isnt perfect but i wanted to check out opinions anw.

No one in the world really cares, looking for myself in these words
Tired of this lifestyle of mine, messed up hair and rinkled up shirts
looking for solutions and meanings not in the words but behind em
looking for insanity pledging papers to sign em
always like this, words of misery come from my mind
fuck this, no more pain’s slave this time
time to put this shit behind me cos im tired
everything pisses me off like its hired
to do just that, to stress and wreck my peace
when will this situation ever cease?
As long as people exist along with their behavior
2000 years still looking for the savior..
Can’t find him or see him but I try to keep my believes
All of these emotions blended together in repeats
Shit, fuck the pain and screw the stress
Desperately trying to forget this mess
It’s a thing that I seem to obsess, with
Hypocrisy is the suit that I dress, with
And don’t you dare mess, with
Like u be playing chess, with
Your soul’s darkest figures
1000 shadows surround u and all be pulling triggers
Search for power from everybody and no reply
Kneeling before a wooden cross release a desperate sigh
Put your hands together and close your eyes
Block yourself from liars and lonely cries
Ask for guidance and without a second thought
Given the strength to stand up and fought
Dismissing evil from all sides focus on your life
Cut away evil with a mental psychic knife
“Depart from me ye cursed ones I seek the place that u be calling heaven!”
My hands are still together and the words be pouring out from the soul
I c vivid dreams of shiny gold, though all I c still is nightmares of black coal

 

[2pac4prez2004]

keep it up, still feeling that emotion u bring, alot darker then i expected from you but still good, atleast ur trying new shit, and this good :thumb: nice to see ur still around 2

 

[C.A.P 23]

yeah..aint going nowhere ...thnx for the feedback man

 

[~live2tell~]

A very personal piece which is something I admire. I thought you did a great job of expressing your feelings and I felt this to be a powerful piece of writing. At times the rhyming seemed a lil forced though, so maybe you could vary your vocab a lil. Keep this up :thumb:

 

[C.A.P 23]

yeah i know bout the rhyming..i seem to be doing this alot,forcing the way it evolves as i write it..im trying to enhance my writing vocab-wise but i gotta up the ante..

thnx for the advice..

 

[kman_69]

nice drop, good emotion....but a few spelling mistakes here and there (not that i can talk haha)

It’s a thing that I seem to obsess, with
Hypocrisy is the suit that I dress, with
And don’t you dare mess, with
Like u be playing chess, with

^^not sure about the commas uses here.....they kinda take the flow out of the whole peice...

but i liked it, keep em commin..

peace.

 

[C.A.P 23]

yeah sorry bout the spelling..not really my strong point

 

[Missy "C"]

I liked your piece a lot, the topic is somewhat similar to what I ussually write, you know, personal stuff. But unlike mine, yours is very good, I liked reading it. I agree with kman in the "with" part, it affects your flow a bit, but it's still good, keep writing! :thumb:

 

[C.A.P 23]

thnx ...yeah i realised it as well about that part

 

[2pac4prez2004]

yeah keep it up Cap where u now dude? u used 2 be active as hell...bk in the day

 

[C.A.P 23]

damn i know .. i got my stupid exams to deal with right now..
btw i m on neils forum as well.he said something about a hiphop section i dont know what he's gonna do..