Ghetto Story

Synful*Luv

Well-Known Member
Staff member
#1
Through assimilation, simile, and metaphor
We see into project corridors
Outside door 43, the lampshade shakes violently
Intermittently like car blinkers, the light flickers
Her concussions would lead to significant repercussions
Conscious I am, so consciously I see
Crackhead logic of addiction, leading to contradictions
I love you so I beat your ass
I love you so I feed you with the very same substance that kills you
Give you a needle and expect you to show gratitude by falling to your knees
Crackhead logic often misreads life’s simplest signals
Those that aren’t subliminal,
As fresh and obvious as drool on a new day’s pillow
Rest in peace is engraved on the tombstone in concave lettering
An unfittingly calm setting for a life so turbulent
Violence has a scent that is revolting and interesting just the same
Small children, growing up around it, inhale it into their brains
Where is resides and festers
The leading cause of rapists and child molesters
See I understand
The story does not always begin with the guilty
And society is so used to Court TV that it lacks sympathy
A sympathetic ear, a sympathetic heart, a sympathetic mind, forget it
So when her little son, pulled back the trigger, while cocking the gun
I saw self defense when others saw negligence mixed with vengeance
The fact that, as he lay bleeding, the young boy repeatedly punched him
Was justification to me, while others saw it as fruits of cursed semen
the prequel tales of a young demon
The light flickered outside room 43
His mother came home and called the cops
The jail bars close on a fourteen year old and our story stops
 
#5
tight, tight, tight! Did I say this was tight?? :D seriously girl, mad work right here... this is bluntly honest and charged on a different level. U spoke a real story.

Crackhead logic of addiction, leading to contradictions
I love you so I beat your ass
I love you so I feed you with the very same substance that kills you
Give you a needle and expect you to show gratitude by falling to your knees
Crackhead logic often misreads life’s simplest signals
Those that aren’t subliminal,


See I understand
The story does not always begin with the guilty
And society is so used to Court TV that it lacks sympathy
A sympathetic ear, a sympathetic heart, a sympathetic mind, forget it
So when her little son, pulled back the trigger, while cocking the gun
I saw self defense when others saw negligence mixed with vengeance
The fact that, as he lay bleeding, the young boy repeatedly punched him
Was justification to me, while others saw it as fruits of cursed semen

^^^^Fukn Dope... mad wording, awsome feeling - i like stories in genral so poetry with a story-tellin line, suks me in n this didnt fail..Keep writin girl!

pz
 
#6
This was tight, this is great spoken word if i can say so. You should definetely perform this live because of the added emphasis a voice can add to something as deep as this. it really was tight, hope to read more of your stuff.
 

Jurhum

Well-Known Member
#7
damn girl.. u're writing big things.. haha..

this one is the best i've read from your writing so far. wonderful peice of writing... u did a great job at portraying the whole issue yet not throwing the reader off.. it's beautiful and amazing.. keep on writing.. love to read more of this from u.

yeh i need to get back to writing too... i've been slacking off lately lol..
 
#10
That peice was ILL. It sounds like something that wuld be tight as a spoken word peice at a poetry slam. Keep it up

~peace
haha yeh i was just thinking that. like i could see this on a interlude in a cd with someone doin spoken word. but yeh this one is deep syn. didnt know you could write :)
 

The.Menace

Well-Known Member
Staff member
#12
very different compared to the stuff u posted before..... feel like a freestyle a lil bit or whatever, like a rush of words....you jump around a lil with your thoughts, but that makes the piece seem you know, quick, speedy....and then the story suddenly stops.
 

Kadafi Son

Well-Known Member
#13
I didn't even notice this poem on here, but i wish i would've read it back then. It's real indepth about that ghetto life. I've seen it and lived it. Like everybody else said, it definately should be done at an open mic event. I guarentee it'll make many sympathize and think about the issue as if it were their own...tight piece. peace
 

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