heres a verse I just wrote to this beat http://www.soundclick.com/util/streamM3U.m3u?ID=2503457&q=Hi
let me know you're comments on it
edit: chorus added, 2nd verse added
Now ever since my first day out the baby carriage,
Knew the world I was born in would never be the fairest,
Hard to sleep at night,
Cause my mind filled with terrors,
Thinkin’ God just might,
Take me, death, and pair us,
At least, till I got to feelin’ careless,
Cause now I feel I got to no need,
To wear a vest,
Please, just let me bleed,
Put my soul to rest,
Hurry up the waitin’ line, to take the final test,
At last, will I pass?
Heaven or Hell?
I’d take either over stayin’ on earth to dwell,
Here, we’re stranded,
Left underhanded,
Destined to fail,
And be, reprimanded,
At least, that’s how it seems they planned it,
Make us puppets for their pleasure filled antics,
Maybe I just take shit for granted,
But I feel I’m due more than I’ve been handed,
Chorus:
Gotta take down the system,
Cause they won’t listen,
Time to make em’ like a baby at its Christenin’,
Ballin’ up into, the fetal position,
Wishin’ they killed us before we were driven,
Into this thuggish kind of livin’,
Guns held tight in the hands of children,
Aiming at a crooked cop’s head to pull the trig to kill him,
Leave him lyin’ on the floor, his last image, the ceilin’,
Now it seems,
It’s only in my dreams,
Coke fiends are deemed,
As having a chance to flee the coke scene,
But in the real world they’re destined to die,
Reap raw repercussions from just trying to get by,
Can you feel the force that drives their desires?
Wantin’ to fuckin’ forget their dreadful debt,
Feelin’ the threat of the destined death,
Hopin’ hell has less havoc filled stress,
Tryin’ to OD for their chance to rest,
Leave it up to God to decide who will be blessed,
Who will be cursed by the flesh,
And who will be left at the rapture of revelations,
Waitin’ for the chance to capture,
The spittin’ image of the one we wish would be in us,
Promised in genesis aka the beginnin’s,
And if we don’t get wit him in Armageddon,
We gon’ have to fight him thinkin’ that we don’t really dread him,
Chorus:
Gotta take down the system,
Cause they won’t listen,
Time to make em’ like a baby at its Christenin’,
Ballin’ up into, the fetal position,
Wishin’ they killed us before we were driven,
Into this thuggish kind of livin’,
Guns held tight in the hands of children,
Aiming at a crooked cop’s head to pull the trig to kill him,
Leave him lyin’ on the floor, his last image, the ceilin’,
I'm unsure of the lines "tryin to OD" and on from there. When i was writting that part came out really fast without really thinking about it and now I'm thinking that I should change it and fit something better in there.
ps. belive it or not from "can you feel the...." to the end i can spit it out well enough so that it flows even though it seems like it wouldn't.
let me know you're comments on it
edit: chorus added, 2nd verse added
Now ever since my first day out the baby carriage,
Knew the world I was born in would never be the fairest,
Hard to sleep at night,
Cause my mind filled with terrors,
Thinkin’ God just might,
Take me, death, and pair us,
At least, till I got to feelin’ careless,
Cause now I feel I got to no need,
To wear a vest,
Please, just let me bleed,
Put my soul to rest,
Hurry up the waitin’ line, to take the final test,
At last, will I pass?
Heaven or Hell?
I’d take either over stayin’ on earth to dwell,
Here, we’re stranded,
Left underhanded,
Destined to fail,
And be, reprimanded,
At least, that’s how it seems they planned it,
Make us puppets for their pleasure filled antics,
Maybe I just take shit for granted,
But I feel I’m due more than I’ve been handed,
Chorus:
Gotta take down the system,
Cause they won’t listen,
Time to make em’ like a baby at its Christenin’,
Ballin’ up into, the fetal position,
Wishin’ they killed us before we were driven,
Into this thuggish kind of livin’,
Guns held tight in the hands of children,
Aiming at a crooked cop’s head to pull the trig to kill him,
Leave him lyin’ on the floor, his last image, the ceilin’,
Now it seems,
It’s only in my dreams,
Coke fiends are deemed,
As having a chance to flee the coke scene,
But in the real world they’re destined to die,
Reap raw repercussions from just trying to get by,
Can you feel the force that drives their desires?
Wantin’ to fuckin’ forget their dreadful debt,
Feelin’ the threat of the destined death,
Hopin’ hell has less havoc filled stress,
Tryin’ to OD for their chance to rest,
Leave it up to God to decide who will be blessed,
Who will be cursed by the flesh,
And who will be left at the rapture of revelations,
Waitin’ for the chance to capture,
The spittin’ image of the one we wish would be in us,
Promised in genesis aka the beginnin’s,
And if we don’t get wit him in Armageddon,
We gon’ have to fight him thinkin’ that we don’t really dread him,
Chorus:
Gotta take down the system,
Cause they won’t listen,
Time to make em’ like a baby at its Christenin’,
Ballin’ up into, the fetal position,
Wishin’ they killed us before we were driven,
Into this thuggish kind of livin’,
Guns held tight in the hands of children,
Aiming at a crooked cop’s head to pull the trig to kill him,
Leave him lyin’ on the floor, his last image, the ceilin’,
I'm unsure of the lines "tryin to OD" and on from there. When i was writting that part came out really fast without really thinking about it and now I'm thinking that I should change it and fit something better in there.
ps. belive it or not from "can you feel the...." to the end i can spit it out well enough so that it flows even though it seems like it wouldn't.