I have this feeling...

[stryk]

I have this feeling
I can't escape
I lay awake
When its time to rest my head
Almost in pain
Because Im yearning for something I never had
My heart feels empty
But what can I do
Except love you
And hope you feel the same way to
I now realize
Theres nothing else
I only want 2 spend time with you
Until time runs out

 

[k69atie]

Really enjoyed this, good work! :thumb:

 

[Helena]

i can relate to this. i like it!

 

[The.Menace]

I'm sorry, you don't stick to the ryhmes and I don't like this. Don't rhmye or rhyme with a certain strategy but this is to chaotic for me.

 

[Beautiful Angel]

i liked the point you were trying to get across
altho i don't really like how it jumped all over
you word usage was alright

keep on tryin
not everyone can have great poems all the time

 

[stryk]

thanks for the comments/crits.. its my first poem on paper. Im deffintly going to keep writing though.

 

[The.Menace]

Yeah don't get me wrong, I don't try to diss noone here, just try to help, you know. Keep going.

 

[stryk]

thanks

 

[Bender]

There is a lot of emphasis on the senses in this, which kind of takes me in to feel the words more, which is good.

 

[Kadafi Son]

It was a simple, but it was a great supieor simple poem 4 me.

Keep it up, I liked it. Peace

 

[~live2tell~]

lol menace can be so harsh...

but I do agree with him on this one, I thought it started off OK but then you switched the rhyming and it didn't flow - also I feel it lacked bigger emotion of some kind. I felt like you wanted to express your feelings but all you did was write them down without the expression somehow.

I hope you keep practising your writing to develop your talent.