Lost Hope

[Cown]

This is a little different than what I usually write so bare with me

She had always been the little overweight girl
The one stereotype that emphasizes this cruel world
Her mother died when she was very young
She therefore never learned the meaning of love, only evil words from the devil’s tongue
Her farther, a manic-depressed alcoholic
Ignored her, never told her the meaning of life and all that’s symbolic
She never had the chance to make a friend
Never once did she feel love, so how could she pretend
That all was going well; she had something to live for
Yet her quest to discover, ended at your locked door
She sits now alone, for once with a smile on her face
She’s imagining a new life, at this so beautiful place
Now blood is slowly flowing; she feels no sorrow or pain
Her dreams slowly fade away, her life lost in thought of shame
All she needed was someone to care
Now her soul is forever lost, still seeking, unsuccessfully in despair

 

[jm5471]

i really liked this, the concept and the story you were telling, it was also deep and flowed good, keep it up

 

[Buck_Buck_Bing]

This was really good, I think I will print it out and put it on my wall

 

[Cown]

^same post again? They banned you for a good reson I guess

Thanks for the reply jm5471

 

[MX Red]

I liked it, and it is different! make a good point about socialization though - we need good people to teach us to be good! Sad ending, its a shame things along these lines actually do happen

 

[~live2tell~]

This is a little different than what I usually write so bare with me

She had always been the little overweight girl
The one stereotype that emphasizes this cruel world
Her mother died when she was very young
She therefore never learned the meaning of love, only evil words from the devil’s tongue
Her farther, a manic-depressed alcoholic
Ignored her, never told her the meaning of life and all that’s symbolic
She never had the chance to make a friend
Never once did she feel love, so how could she pretend
That all was going well; she had something to live for
Yet her quest to discover, ended at your locked door
She sits now alone, for once with a smile on her face
She’s imagining a new life, at this so beautiful place
Now blood is slowly flowing; she feels no sorrow or pain
Her dreams slowly fade away, her life lost in thought of shame
All she needed was someone to care
Now her soul is forever lost, still seeking, unsuccessfully in despair

Nice piece Cown, subject wise and content wise. It kinda made me feel cold whilst reading, I think you touched on something that more people should be aware of and maybe that way 'the little overweight' girls of the world will be given more chances in life.

One of my faves of yours btw.

 

[Blunted Dreamz]

Really rang out to the psychologist in me, I love poems that tell a story like that. Great job

 

[kman_69]

dammn this was tight!

whos it about btw?

really visual...reminds me of brendas gotta baby..


def feelin this one!...keep it up!

 

[devils_advok8]

Nice one Nico.

 

[fisherM.A.N.]

ur story gives life to a cliched character who many of us often encounter every day.. more than that, it got me thinking.. we constantly see people who are strangers and rarely give a second thought to what and who they are.. we quickly label them based on outward appearance (the fat girl, the nerd, the muscular jock, the pretty girl, etc.) without considering the fact that each individual has a story.. some are tragic, like in this case.. some are not.. but those stories remain unknown to us for the most part.. so we resort to the familiar cliches.. such as 'the fat girl'..

favorite lines:
"She never had the chance to make a friend / Never once did she feel love, so how could she pretend"

good work..

~1~

 

[kman_69]

ur story gives life to a cliched character who many of us often encounter every day.. more than that, it got me thinking.. we constantly see people who are strangers and rarely give a second thought to what and who they are.. we quickly label them based on outward appearance (the fat girl, the nerd, the muscular jock, the pretty girl, etc.) without considering the fact that each individual has a story.. some are tragic, like in this case.. some are not.. but those stories remain unknown to us for the most part.. so we resort to the familiar cliches.. such as 'the fat girl'..

favorite lines:
"She never had the chance to make a friend / Never once did she feel love, so how could she pretend"

good work..

~1~

damn only 3 posts...and uve made em count!...very in-depth replies, good stuff man.

 

[Cown]

I liked it, and it is different! make a good point about socialization though - we need good people to teach us to be good! Sad ending, its a shame things along these lines actually do happen

Thanks, yeah lifes a bitch

Nice piece Cown, subject wise and content wise. It kinda made me feel cold whilst reading, I think you touched on something that more people should be aware of and maybe that way 'the little overweight' girls of the world will be given more chances in life.

One of my faves of yours btw.

Thanks for the reply, yeah that was what I was trying to do, glad it reached out to at least one person

Really rang out to the psychologist in me, I love poems that tell a story like that. Great job

How do you mean lol ?

dammn this was tight!

whos it about btw?

really visual...reminds me of brendas gotta baby..


def feelin this one!...keep it up!

Glad you liked it. It's not about a perticular person, just a person in general you know?

ur story gives life to a cliched character who many of us often encounter every day.. more than that, it got me thinking.. we constantly see people who are strangers and rarely give a second thought to what and who they are.. we quickly label them based on outward appearance (the fat girl, the nerd, the muscular jock, the pretty girl, etc.) without considering the fact that each individual has a story.. some are tragic, like in this case.. some are not.. but those stories remain unknown to us for the most part.. so we resort to the familiar cliches.. such as 'the fat girl'..

favorite lines:
"She never had the chance to make a friend / Never once did she feel love, so how could she pretend"

good work..

Nice one Nico.

TY

~1~

Thank you, good reply. I agree, people never seem to look past the facade that is placed in front of them, they just assume and think they know a person without ever having spoken a word to them.

 

[shattered dreams]

really liked this one well written....i cant paste favorite lines because i really like the whole poem felt it all nicely done like always

 

[Cown]

^Thank you, glad you liked it

 

[tHuG $TyLe]

Now blood is slowly flowing; she feels no sorrow or pain
Her dreams slowly fade away, her life lost in thought of shame
All she needed was someone to care
Now her soul is forever lost, still seeking, unsuccessfully in despair

I liked this bit, good story/poem

 

[Belo]

Wow that was a great poem man!
Loved this one.. rhyme was great.. flowed well too and really powerful writing
Reaaaally enjoyed this poem and was kinda a different topic to write about
Keep up the brilliant work
Peace
Belo

 

[Ivory$horty]

She sits now alone, for once with a smile on her face
She’s imagining a new life, at this so beautiful place
Now blood is slowly flowing; she feels no sorrow or pain
Her dreams slowly fade away, her life lost in thought of shame
All she needed was someone to care
Now her soul is forever lost, still seeking, unsuccessfully in despair

^^ Very beautiful, very meaningful. A tough subject to touch upon but you did so wonderfully. I like the way you wrote this and encourage you to continue doing so.
Keep it up.

3 hugz,2 kisses,1 love
~*Ivory$horty*~

 

[Cown]

^Thanks guys! I'm really pleased that y'all liked it, cuz this was like an experiment. I don't usually write like this, but the idea just came to me and I thought to myself that I might as well give it a shot and see what happens. Apparently it wasn't all that bad of a choice Thanks for your feedback, appreciated.

Peace

 

[Jurhum]

Some people could relate to this piece. That's why i liked it. Not that I relate to it. but it's nice nonetheless.

 

[GhettoStar]

This is a little different than what I usually write so bare with me

She had always been the little overweight girl
The one stereotype that emphasizes this cruel worldHer mother died when she was very young
She therefore never learned the meaning of love, only evil words from the devil’s tongue
Her farther, a manic-depressed alcoholic
Ignored her, never told her the meaning of life and all that’s symbolic
She never had the chance to make a friend
Never once did she feel love, so how could she pretend
That all was going well; she had something to live for
Yet her quest to discover, ended at your locked door
She sits now alone, for once with a smile on her face
She’s imagining a new life, at this so beautiful placeNow blood is slowly flowing; she feels no sorrow or pain
Her dreams slowly fade away, her life lost in thought of shame
All she needed was someone to care
Now her soul is forever lost, still seeking, unsuccessfully in despair

Cown didnt know you had it in you playa! This writing is sprakiling with knowledge and stroy telling at its finest. What is impressive is that even with a lack of metaphors(which this peom isnt about) you still are able to open the eyes and let the person see what this girls going thorugh by just speaking bout it. The way you have set you bars up and rhyming words as symoblolic and acholic is quite impressive cuz even though the words might not sound like they rhyme at first, the traineed ear and true peot can see that these words work wonders. Good job on this and stya up playa'


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