Lust

[kman_69]

Lust -26 March 2005

the girl of my dreams just left me to be a slut
and my best friend just had a baby with 1 -but
i guess lust can cum in many shapes and sizes
..it can cum as a surprise and take ya life -n'
it can kill u inside like some1 fuckin ur wife
-its not nice, and i dont like to think about it
but i doubt that i'd even be here without it
i scream and shout but nobody hears what im sayin
-their just out lookin for the next pussy that'll lay em'
how else do i convey it?..coz i really love women..
-but bitches..hmmm well thats somethin different
coz i get so suspicious when i hear the word love
-its just so close to LUST.. that ive forgotten what it was.

 

[radkin]

nice, I can feel ya anger man, a lot of people should be able to relate to this

 

[kman_69]

^^thanks for feedback...

yeah im sure theres a few ppl that can relate hehe....watch that girl of yours man! lol j/k

 

[jm5471]

the girl of my dreams just left me to be a slut
and my best friend just had a baby with 1 -but
i guess lust can cum in many shapes and sizes
..it can cum as a surprise and take ya life -n'

damn i luv that line, took me a couple of times 2 get the cocept but i like the whole poem but this part jus stuck

 

[Levendi]

this just rocked man. i loved the topic, the style you wrote it in, almost like a conversational style it felt like...definately dope - keep it up.


damn women.


.

 

[kman_69]

the girl of my dreams just left me to be a slut
and my best friend just had a baby with 1 -but
i guess lust can cum in many shapes and sizes
..it can cum as a surprise and take ya life -n'

damn i luv that line, took me a couple of times 2 get the cocept but i like the whole poem but this part jus stuck

glad u feelin it man...yeah i liked the start to....i just edited the end a bit too...to make it sound a bit better

thanks for feedback!

peace!

 

[kman_69]

this just rocked man. i loved the topic, the style you wrote it in, almost like a conversational style it felt like...definately dope - keep it up.


damn women.

ah glad u feelin this man ....yeah could come across as a bit controversial


nar you got it wrong man...its damn BITCHES! -you gotta love a real woman...its just bitches u gotta watch out 4

like pac said M.O.B!

 

[Blunted Dreamz]

man, at least she left you to be a slut... My buddy just found out his wife has been a slut, in his house AND bed. Damn Be-otch. Great drop

 

[kman_69]

to^^thanks blunted

thats some fucked up shit about tor boys girl

my eyes hav ebeen opened to ship tonight...i jusdt been out to a club and shit....my mind is messed.....watch these rap niggaz get upp all in ya gutrs.....ice cream caramel delux.

 

[~live2tell~]

Lust -26 March 2005

the girl of my dreams just left me to be a slut
and my best friend just had a baby with 1 -but
i guess lust can cum in many shapes and sizes
..it can cum as a surprise and take ya life -n'
it can kill u inside like some1 fuckin ur wife
-its not nice, and i dont like to think about it
but i doubt. that i'd even be here without it
i scream and shout but nobody hears what im sayin
-their just out lookin for the next pussy that'll lay em'
how else do i convey it?..coz i really love women..
-but bitches..hmmm well thats somethin different
coz i get so suspicious when i hear the word love
-coz its so close to LUST.. that ive forgotten what it was.

Nice subject, somewhat controversial, but those are usually the best! I'm pretty certain alot of people can relate to your poem, you made your message clear and the rhyme and flow was fairly consistent. Nice and different to read.

 

[kman_69]

Nice subject, somewhat controversial, but those are usually the best! I'm pretty certain alot of people can relate to your poem, you made your message clear and the rhyme and flow was fairly consistent. Nice and different to read.

thanks sara, yeah i was pretty angry when i wrote it....so yeah its prolly a little controversial....but yeah as u say they are usually the best

thanks for peepin.

peace.

 

[Bigg Limn]

This seems to be more of a rap than a poem, but that aside... The structure of it was basic, but you did incorporate some internal rhymes rather than relying solely on true rhymes, which is good. The subject is a good one that I'm sure most can relate to, I certainly can. You open the poem with a very solid line which displays your attitude, and you close it VERY well. The last two lines were the best in the poem in my opinion, and were a great closer. One thing I didn't like was where you insterted the period in "but i doubt. that i'd even be here without it" - it just seems really out of place. But all in all this was a pretty nice piece, with little flaw.

Peace

 

[kman_69]

^^thanks limn...but whats the difference between rap and poetry?

glad u feelin this tho!...and thanks for spotting the period there...that was a typo, lol, i'll edit it.

 

[Bigg Limn]

There really isn't too much of a difference, since hip-hop is based from poetry. What I meant was just the structure of it - was basically the same as a verse. It's not necessarrily a bad thing, because it created a smooth rhythm - it's just that people (I used to be guilty of this) try to make poetry too much like raps. Poetry is more about wording, punctuation usage and the use of whitespace. They don't always have to flow, and they rarely do. They're about the message within the words, and the way they're spoken - whereas raps are moreso about the rhythm.

 

[Bender]

Good read! I like this. Although when I first read it I thought you meant:

"...and my best friend just had a baby with one butt" Lol, as in one butt cheek. Made me smile.

 

[kman_69]

There really isn't too much of a difference, since hip-hop is based from poetry. What I meant was just the structure of it - was basically the same as a verse. It's not necessarrily a bad thing, because it created a smooth rhythm - it's just that people (I used to be guilty of this) try to make poetry too much like raps. Poetry is more about wording, punctuation usage and the use of whitespace. They don't always have to flow, and they rarely do. They're about the message within the words, and the way they're spoken - whereas raps are moreso about the rhythm.

yeah i guess its kinda hard to define tho...poetry is what you make it, poetry is poetry, art is art....its really what people can take from it thats the important thing.

 

[kman_69]

Good read! I like this. Although when I first read it I thought you meant:

"...and my best friend just had a baby with one butt" Lol, as in one butt cheek. Made me smile.

lol u mad man....

thanks for peepin...glad u liked!

peace.