message to all nations

[fisherM.A.N.]

replies = suicidal friday, untitled, tragedy

something i wrote.. feedback would be very much appreciated..

M.essage to A.ll N.ations..

This is my message to every nation.
I craft my creation as a proclamation,
a exhortation that you take into consideration,
to be heeded lest ensue for you condemnation.
But face it, it seems my word is being wasted.
Away it's faded as if someone somehow erased it.
They'd rather be basted than give attention to me.
They question or flee or igorantly enter a plea:
"Not guilty" on the basis of some mental disease.
On venom they feast, and in the end shall decease.
Instead of the peace, they only pretend to be freed,
for, to them, my message is too offensive to heed.
So I raise my message volume several decibals.
The sound travels minimal, measured in decimals.
Criminals they are! Yet to them it matters not,
for they would rather not have the answers taught.
An afterthought I am in the midst of scattered talk,
but my base won't break; you cannot shatter rock!
No aftershock will cause me to slack or drop.
The message must be heard; I don't plan to stop,
because the planet's lost, and it is near its fall,
so it would appear that all should hear my call.

~1~

 

[~live2tell~]

Good piece, was well written and you portrayed your message well. You used a varied vocab too and yet still managed to keep your poem simple and easy to understand. Keep it up.

 

[Belo]

Dayum, tight poem man.. that was cool as fuck hey
Awesome flow and rhyme.. very impressive poem.. felt wat u were saying too but I was preoccupied with how well it was flowing
Loved this!!!
GReat poem man
Peace

 

[GhettoStar]

replies = suicidal friday, untitled, tragedy

something i wrote.. feedback would be very much appreciated..

M.essage to A.ll N.ations..

This is my message to every nation.
I craft my creation as a proclamation,
a exhortation that you take into consideration,
to be heeded lest ensue for you condemnation.
But face it, it seems my word is being wasted.
Away it's faded as if someone somehow erased it.
They'd rather be basted than give attention to me.
They question or flee or igorantly enter a plea:
"Not guilty" on the basis of some mental disease.
On venom they feast, and in the end shall decease.
Instead of the peace, they only pretend to be freed,
for, to them, my message is too offensive to heed.
So I raise my message volume several decibals.
The sound travels minimal, measured in decimals.
Criminals they are! Yet to them it matters not,
for they would rather not have the answers taught.
An afterthought I am in the midst of scattered talk,
but my base won't break; you cannot shatter rock!
No aftershock will cause me to slack or drop.
The message must be heard; I don't plan to stop,
because the planet's lost, and it is near its fall,
so it would appear that all should hear my call.

~1~

This is an impressive piece of work given that you also use some multis in this which make the poem flow even better. This subject isnt really touched in terms of here (P.Justice) but Im glad you touched on it and made a writing that refelct5s the sad state of affairs that is happening to our world. The way you have crafted the peom in terms of having almost the world on trial is quite orginal and clever. Keep it up I look foward to reading more of your work in the future

 

[ArtsyGirl]

Nice I like it, didnt see a flat spot in the whole thing. Keep it coming.

 

[kman_69]

cool peice....some of the rhymes seem a little forced tho.....but that could be just me

im still feelin it tho!...i like your work!

peace!

 

[radkin]

nice language and flow :thumb: