Mind of a Soldier

[jm5471]

if i had 2 go into battle would i run or fight/
it can rattle your sould to know one might not make it thru the night/
eyes always open, constantly shaking,
the smell is so potent, you can taste gun powder in bacon/
lives for the taking although your saving your country/ do they want me 2 die? who are they do they want me? /
i try not 2 go crazy but whos 1 to embrace me/
no one but me! / y does the enemy chase me/
theres plenty of treez/
but i gotta keep pace its a race/ nothing can relate/
its a rush you can contimplate/
although i know i have no control in my fate/
theres no date for me parole and leaving life's gate/
tho at the slightest sound ill hit the ground/ making sure my guns got rounds/ and one by one ill take them down/ the mind of a soldier

i wrote this after thinking about war and talking wit my grandfather about WWII, hope yall like it n leave ur thoughts, jus a lil quick one

 

[C.A.P 23]

i like it jm..im feeling this..

"tho at the slightest sound ill hit the ground/ making sure my guns got rounds/ and one by one ill take them down/ the mind of a soldier"

reality fused with poetry..

keep it up

 

[jm5471]

thanks im happy u enjoyed it

 

[Br0k3nW1ngz187]

its tight bra. good job. i like the subject of the poem, something that is really controversial.

 

[dedbrd]

I like this poem, I felt like I was talking to my grandfather, it tells the story like he did

 

[jm5471]

thanks for checkin it out n that u liked it, yea i wasnt tryin to make it a story at first but then i went into it, i need to add on to it some day when i get a chance, when im in the mood to work on a piece like this

 

[kman_69]

cool piece

one question:
the smell is so potent, you can taste gun powder in bacon/

^^what was that line about? obviously a metaphore for something?

def feelin this anyways

peace!

 

[jm5471]

i was sayin it like, theres constantly shots going off all around wit rifles n other gunz that wit all the smoke your able 2 taste the gun powder in bacon which is one of the most flavorful foods

 

[kman_69]

^^ah ok, i thought it might have had religious conatations or something..

cool.

 

[liz]

Very good and expressive writing.

liz

 

[jm5471]

thanks for all the feedback

 

[~live2tell~]

I like this, you expressed your thoughts really well. I especially like the ending. I hope you share this with your grandfather.

 

[jm5471]

thanks for checkin it out, actually i havent shown him its a good idea tho i think that im gonna

 

[DaRoYaLbRaT]

expressive, yeah... but I think if u controlled the length of ur lines this would be alot more than wat it is... Keep it up tho ay.

pz

 

[jm5471]

thanks for checkin it, yea when i write i usually dont look back or go back n change ne thing thats the reason for my spuratic line changesq

 

[Bender]

Great concept! Your grammer seems a little rusty, but hey that's the best part of poetry bending/ breaking the rules of language. imo

 

[jm5471]

thanks for checkin it out