My Last Question

[jm5471]

i wrote this 2 years ago n jus thinkin bout life n my dad dyin n how others truely have no idea wut u go thru n shit so here it is, it might be a little hard to read but i was all over on this one and it was a while back

sometimes the worlds too much
to handle
or dismantle
enough is enough to handle
for ne one who lives in sandals
in the sky
one who can fly
unknown girl or guy
but its too much for someone
who was only a teen
n had hate and responsibility
inbetween
mind in a frenzy
while others will
never envy
act friendly
til they reveal themselves
as leaches they are
stealin shit off ur shelves
but pay for ya at the bar
im lost
sorry bout that
mind got tossed
but now im back
now back
to how
i worked throught all this
surely aint flossin n poppin cris
more or less
lost in
a box like this
one thats cold n dark
like my mind
unwillingly
i broke the mark
where i had to spark
to calm down
palms down
wet eyes
n a frown
fuck livin
always askin why
so i sat
n cried
in my mat-tris
by my self
sayin fuck wealth
jus want better family health
no jus for my self
but for everyone else
cause i can keep on askin
the same question
must be deaf
or maybe i aint got ne left


feed back is appriciated

 

[~live2tell~]

I think it started off better than it ended, but i loved how you expressed yourself throughout, i think it was the beginning just made more sense to me.

liked these parts right here >>>

enough is enough to handle
for ne one who lives in sandals
in the sky
one who can fly


but its too much for someone
who was only a teen
n had hate and responsibility
inbetween


while others will
never envy
act friendly
til they reveal themselves


unwillingly
i broke the mark
where i had to spark
to calm down
palms down
wet eyes
n a frown
fuck livin
always askin why
so i sat
n cried


Keep expressing those thoughts!

 

[jm5471]

thanks for the respone and yea i was all over the place, really in a lost state of mind but i appricate ur comments

 

[xXHizzo.M40Xx]

i like the style you have written this piece in... the lengths of each line do show how emotional you were. The way you have wrote this requires alot of skill... nice poem!

 

[Cown]

Good poem, very different to what I've seen posted here in the past, but still a nice piece of writting, none the less. You have some good and question-rising points in the poem, you definatly have to keep writting :thumb:

 

[jm5471]

thanks for all of your responses and comments

 

[Jocka]

yea the poem was a little hard to follow but any poem I've written in COMPLETE emotion is that way.. only i understand why it's written that way and only I understand what some things even mean.. overall, i like the style of this poem. The emotion comes through alot as well.. good writing

 

[jm5471]

thanks for taking the time to check it out

 

[shattered dreams]

i really liked this poem, ive read alot of yours , and this is by far the best one very good. this is my favorite part

surely aint flossin n poppin cris
more or less
lost in
a box like this
one thats cold n dark
like my mind
unwillingly
i broke the mark
where i had to spark
to calm down
palms down
wet eyes
n a frown



great lines

 

[jm5471]

thanks for checkin it out, yea that was a bad time i was goin thru