No More...

[~live2tell~]

Started writing this morning at 4am when I couldn't sleep, just finished about 5 mins ago. I'm not sure if this will make sense, or even if it makes sense to me right now because I'm totally confused but I haven't posted a poem of mine in a while so I thought maybe you guys could take the time to peep and let me know what you think, good and bad, thx.


No More…

Unsure of how it’s come to this
Once a feeling of complete bliss
No More…

Bliss has deserted me, leaving a dull ache
Convinced my heart will not break
No More…

I asked of you too much
Extricating myself from your touch
No More…

Unable to control the sunshine
Unable to pretend everything is fine
No More…

How have I become so selfish?
Love should not be like this
No More…

Sharing our paths through life
Barely overcoming obstacles, creating strife
No More…

Trying to do the right thing
It’s too difficult you being my everything
No More…

Thoughts persistent, confusing me
It’s real, I feel it, we are meant to be
No More…

I imagine our future together
Us becoming one, seeing forever
No More…

 

[Sebastian]

it makes sense to me. nice concept, sad "story"

 

[~live2tell~]

it makes sense to me. nice concept, sad "story"

Thx for the response, I'm pleased it makes sense to someone! I was feeling sad at the time and so I poured my sadness into the writing. Glad you liked the concept, thx.

I actually wrote another poem a coupla hours ago... its a lil more hopeful than this I think... will post tomorrow

 

[Florida123]

wow, that was some deep stuff, i think any of us who have had a relationship that hasn't worked out the way we planned can relate...i hope for your sake that this is not true but if it is hang in there things can only get better

 

[jm5471]

i liked it, it was different but thats what i enjoyed, good job

 

[Snowman]

Nice, I Liked It Too does Bring A Tear to Your Eye

 

[~live2tell~]

wow, that was some deep stuff, i think any of us who have had a relationship that hasn't worked out the way we planned can relate...i hope for your sake that this is not true but if it is hang in there things can only get better

Thx for reading, my feelings are true, I guess thats how I can write about them, but I dunno this whole poem was written when I was feeling really sad and hurt you know so it reflects that because thats where I was at when I wrote. Appreciate your comments, ty.

 

[~live2tell~]

i liked it, it was different but thats what i enjoyed, good job

Thx for taking the time to read and respond, glad you liked it and found it different.

Nice, I Liked It Too does Bring A Tear to Your Eye

Thx, pleased you liked and glad my writing touched you in that way. Appreciate your comments.

 

[Belo]

That was awesome.. Liked it a lot hey
Liked the reptition of the no more and how in the last stanza it really ended the poem with the no more ykno...
Great stuff
Peace
Belo

 

[k69atie]

as usual sara a great piece of writing, i was really feeling this one, i loved the lay out of the poem and repitition of no more. keep it up :thumb:

 

[The.Menace]

Started writing this morning at 4am when I couldn't sleep, just finished about 5 mins ago

u start to know how tommy feels these days?

Anyway, good poem, but listen sara,

How have I become so selfish?

I know u feel like you have been selfish and all, but this ain't the normal and I don't blame you for that cause the past months weren't normal period of time. With all that happend, it's not really a fault that u have to take care of yourself now. Listen, don't blame yourself. You have some things to work out and if you did, you can take care of others again.....don't feel that guilty and always keep ya head up girl.

One love. tommy

 

[~live2tell~]

That was awesome.. Liked it a lot hey
Liked the reptition of the no more and how in the last stanza it really ended the poem with the no more ykno...
Great stuff
Peace
Belo

Thx Belo, appreciate your feedback, glad you liked it alot. I wasn't too sure about the no more repititon after I read it back but it just happened that way I guess and now when I read it I think it does kinda work. Thx for reading.

 

[~live2tell~]

as usual sara a great piece of writing, i was really feeling this one, i loved the lay out of the poem and repitition of no more. keep it up :thumb:

Thx Katie, I'm pleased I wrote something someone else could feel and I'm happy you thought the lay out was good as it was something I was a lil unsure of. Thx again.

 

[~live2tell~]

u start to know how tommy feels these days?

Anyway, good poem, but listen sara,

I know u feel like you have been selfish and all, but this ain't the normal and I don't blame you for that cause the past months weren't normal period of time. With all that happend, it's not really a fault that u have to take care of yourself now. Listen, don't blame yourself. You have some things to work out and if you did, you can take care of others again.....don't feel that guilty and always keep ya head up girl.

One love. tommy

I already knew how you felt

Thx for reading and for taking the time to reply, your feedback is important to me. Thx for your kind words and support, means alot thank you

 

[shattered dreams]

Barely overcoming obstacles, creating strife
No More…

Trying to do the right thing
It’s too difficult you being my everything
No More…

Thoughts persistent, confusing me
It’s real, I feel it, we are meant to be
No More…

I imagine our future together
Us becoming one, seeing forever
No More…


i really liked this poem, its exactly what i feel a lot. Very nice.

 

[~live2tell~]

Barely overcoming obstacles, creating strife
No More…

Trying to do the right thing
It’s too difficult you being my everything
No More…

Thoughts persistent, confusing me
It’s real, I feel it, we are meant to be
No More…

I imagine our future together
Us becoming one, seeing forever
No More…


i really liked this poem, its exactly what i feel a lot. Very nice.

Thx girl appreciate you taking the time to check this out and post your feedback. I'm glad you like it and well I suppose its pretty shitty you feel like that too but at least you're not alone. Thx again.

 

[tomo5000]

can really relate to this, thankyou

 

[~live2tell~]

can really relate to this, thankyou

Thx for checking it out and replying. Sorry you can relate