On My Own

[Saint33]

well i havent posted a poem in awhile, cuz i havent been around lately very much, so since its been awhile, i thought id post one. I don rilly no wut to think about this one, so ne feed back, positive or negative will be much apreciated

On My Own

Looking down on the world
Feeling higher than heaven
An ocean of blood floods the surface
But I can do nothing but gaze upon the destruction

Buried deep in this grave
Dark and cold like your heart
There's no one here to save me this time
Though I don't need any help

My curageous fear
Dreaming of the nightmare
The darkness burns too bright
And it will never end

If only god could feel my sorrow
My story of pain and disapointment
Im lost, but not gone completely
For my life is eternity

I see the shade, absent from color
To conquer a world of death
You must cure all who suffer
But there is no cure for loneliness

I can no longer be
No one will ever understand me
Especially not you
Im on my own

 

[kimbo_thug]

Nice try man
i didnt think there was any feeing with this
i liked th idea of it but i just didnt feel it

this line was ma favourite
You must cure all who suffer
But there is no cure for loneliness

keep postin man x

 

[ArtsyGirl]

^Yeah that was a stand-out line for me too..
It seems like you were trying to describe too much and it all kinda got lost, I dont really know what you were trying to say with this. But keep at it

 

[GhettoStar]

I thought the poem was good however, although I do not feel a sense of connection in terms of your verses, it seems that it was more seperate then one solid story if you understand what Im saying. Otherwise the imagery was great and the flow was good although its harder to make non rhyming sturctures work like this when dealing with such a long piece. Otherwise I thought it was decent and can be even better with the suggestions listed. Good Work and never stop writing.

 

[Kadafi Son]

If only god could feel my sorrow
My story of pain and disapointment
Im lost, but not gone completely
For my life is eternity

I see the shade, absent from color
To conquer a world of death
You must cure all who suffer
But there is no cure for loneliness

Favorite lines. Those r real poetry type words. Believe I feel u on that tip...

Peace