patiently waiting

[dubk]

I use to be a regular on this poetry section years ago. When we had Belo, kadafiremember, Belle, Sicc (when he went with a different name), and Katarina came in during the end of my run. So now that this place is all but dead I'll throw in a poem I just wrote...I've been going through some serious writer's block so I haven't written in a while. This is just a little something...I'm just patiently waiting, that's all.
thanks...

Moon light casts a trace of your complexion in the cold night
A battle ensues between my heart and my mind
I can’t understand how this can be wrong,
When my heart is telling me it is right
Mercy is for the weak, instant gratification is for the quitters
Don’t know what to think anymore, constant conflicts about how I feel
...love is a battlefield ...haha

It is all games, foolish am I to think
That me wanting you will make you want me
Constantly singing in my loneliness
The song of a single hopeless romantic
“Why do I keep fooling myself, when I know you love someone else”
When you love someone that is half the man of me
Ladies like the bad guys, the dumb fellas,
The ones that’ll give them the cheap thrill
While we only get that first date, only getting to foot the bill

But we smile and move on, knowing every man gets his day
You flirt with the fools when you are younger,
And finally settle down with those that are getting paid
But until then we sit here alone singing our song and say...

 

[The.Menace]

I don't like that some of the lines are rhymed and some aren't. It confuses me.

 

[assassin_4001]

Hey man,,,as far as i'm concerned your poem has got a great message but the problem is,,,,it lacks the rhymes,,,and it's a little bit confusing,,,but all in all good job man.....

 

[~live2tell~]

well i liked this alot, yes it wasn't great flow wise but not all poetry has to be, it shows emotion and i especially liked the 2nd part because i felt you explored your feelings more there.

some really nice lines i was feeling -

I can’t understand how this can be wrong,
When my heart is telling me it is right - i'm sure alot of ppl have experienced this good to know we're not alone in this feeling.

It is all games, foolish am I to think
That me wanting you will make you want me - again something i have experienced, really like the simplicity of some of these lines you're dropping.

“Why do I keep fooling myself, when I know you love someone else”
When you love someone that is half the man of me
Ladies like the bad guys, the dumb fellas, - this is so true, and could feel your honesty right here

all in all a great piece i felt, honest and different at the same time - hope to read more from you and i hope you overcome your writers block. i feel this is definitely a great start

 

[dubk]

Sorry for not commenting to any of this. I was without internet until a little bit ago.

Thanks ~live2tell~ for your kind words, i truly appreciate them.

As to the other two, you are right. Still can't get the flow correct, hopefully I can get back to like how i was...oh well.

 

[jm5471]

ive never read ne of your poems that i remember but i enjoyed this piece you should keep posting your pieces up in here

 

[kman_69]

yeah i dont think ive read any of yours before man....but this was cool..

Don’t know what to think anymore, constant conflicts about how I feel
...love is a battlefield ...haha


^^hehe, that made me laugh

peace!