Raw Hiphop

[D.L.S]

"Raw Hiphop"


Listen people open your eyes Look up to the Skies/
the Government simplifies for the simpliest eyes/
Hides the fuckin truth,well keep it all in disguise/
Showing you flashin things to keep your mind mesmerized/
a government that fears the people, come on lets rise/
the future is what we make it so lets get tha supplies/
They Turn your laughs to cries, While you supersizin they Fries/
to them you not important you just Roaches and flies/
The truth when i`m in the booth and no ones Tellin me lies/
they gave us the rights to bare arms cause the governments a surprise/
they don`t know what they have instored for themselves so they cry/
and hope What they have control over won`t rise up and defy/
they can`t keep promises they make, so they plans are going awry/
so lets show them this shit aint a game, so they just can`t retry/
So please, bush Say good bye to tha Newest Bad guy/
cause you stupider then i thought we`ll never see eye to eye./



People Tell me what you think please it site on my blogger, Myspace, and Lyrical Gods no body comment on

 

[kman_69]

well, the vocab isnt bad....but honestly the rhyme scheme comes across as really forced...which really effects the flow..

but aside from that you definetly have talent as it is definetly hard to use the same rhyme scheme for 15 bars while still making sense! hehe

anyways welcome to the board!!

 

[Jurhum]

^ True

Good job man... Content wise was great. Simply vocab but great impression

keep it up

 

[Ivory$horty]

Gotta agree with kman_69...the flow seemed a lil forced in some parts more than others, so it kind of threw me off a lil bit. Vocab was simple yet effective. Felt what you were saying but try not to try too hard. It'll bring the piece together a lot nicer.
If this was anything to go by though, you got potential to write great things sometime in the near future. So don't give up on your writing and keep posting them up :thumb:

3 hugz,2 kisses,1 love
~*Ivory$horty*~

 

[The.Menace]

I think you should follow the rules.