See No Evil

[ImmortalTech]

Hey, This is my first time posting in here, I usually post my work in the note pad, but that place has been dead lately. And the fact that this 'verse' is a bit more poetic and less complex than my other pieces, so I though it would be more appropriate to share it in here. I usually dont write like this, but sometimes I just wanna get a messege across instead of being complex and having a nice flow.

Anyways tell me what u think

See No Evil
I rape n murder, I kill n rob,
I created thugs, and organized the mob,
Fuck what you thought, I don’t take no sides,
East or west, u better run n hide,
No time to rest, I brought darkness to light,
I caused confusion, and tainted the name of Christ,
When u gained some faith, I gave u doubt,
N in the name of hate, I’ll take u out,
When u smoke, I flow through ya veins,
Im under ur breath, when u spoke the lords name in vain,
I aint insane, in fact Im somewhat of a genius,
Im the reason u stopped using u r brain, and provoked thought with ur penis,
U cant battle me son, Im the king of deception,
I have the power of media to change ur perceptions,
I made u march n mob in the name of false prophets,
Made u kill n rob, in the name of false profits,
I work with so called Muslims, Christians, and even the jews,
U cant see me, although u see my work in the news,
I gave Muslims guns, and gave the Christians Tanks,
Gave Jews funds, and they all said thanks,
I made women lose modesty, men lose honesty,
But I cant be blamed I’m only fulfilling prophecies,
I took the land of the slaves and called it the brave,
I started abortion, and made the belly a grave,
I changed religion, and replaced it with strange philosophies,
Gave u a false sense of equality, and named it democracy,
I divided u into ethnic and economic states,
Made u hate, ur brother born to a mother from a different place,
I have no face, I flow eternally in hearts,
Of the dumb def and blind that cant identify the dark,
I don’t discriminate, I reside with all types of people,
Ur eyes are wide open, but u still see no evil.


~peace

 

[The.Menace]

if you usually post in the notpad you know that there are rules - so follow them or this will be closed, I give you 24 hours. Peace.

 

[ImmortalTech]

my bad...didnt really look at them, but there ya go.

~peace

 

[Farzin]

Thats really good man. It does sound more like a verse than poem but it has its poetic elements and definitely provokes deep thought.

My favourite part was

I changed religion, and replaced it with strange philosophies,
Gave u a false sense of equality, and named it democracy,

Keep it up dude. Sorry i cant comment any more in details i am not much of a poet or anything i can only tell you what i liked about it the most i cant dissemble it and analyze it, sorry.

 

[Jurhum]

i loved this one all together.. it was awsome man.. very articulate.

all through out i was thinkin money was the subject.. is it?

anyway.. keep it up man.. it reall was good reading this peice.

 

[ImmortalTech]

Thanks for the feedback.

No Money wasnt the subject in particular. It was just "The Evil" that surrounds us in general. Its like we all see shit happening everyday to us and to the world around us, yet we fail to recognize it and stand against it.

~peace

 

[ImmortalTech]

...c'mon streethopwake up, and tell me my shit is wack or that ur feelin it. I got 48 looks on this but 2 replies. I know ppl got some constructive criticism for that peice... cuz to me it seems sorta loose.

 

[tHuG $TyLe]

Ey man it was a great piece to read, i liked the concept and how u pulled it off.

The closing bit was dope, but the middle part starting from:

U cant battle me son, Im the king of deception,
I have the power of media to change ur perceptions

The penis line was too long imo though, im picky when it comes to line length, especially if one is out of structure. But apart from that really a dope piece.

Good job :thumb:

 

[ImmortalTech]

yea i know what u mean man, that line was a lil outta place. But when I was writing it, i was just trying to get certain concepts and things out. But i guess at times u gotta sacrifice content to make things sound a bit more proper. But thanks for the feedback, glad u liked it.

~peace

 

[Ivory$horty]

This was dope. For real. Besides the flow being off in a couple of places (lines too long); this was spot on. I really loved the way you wrote this...especially this part:

"I made u march n mob in the name of false prophets,
Made u kill n rob, in the name of false profits,
I work with so called Muslims, Christians, and even the jews,
U cant see me, although u see my work in the news,
I gave Muslims guns, and gave the Christians Tanks,
Gave Jews funds, and they all said thanks,
I made women lose modesty, men lose honesty,
But I cant be blamed I’m only fulfilling prophecies,
I took the land of the slaves and called it the brave,
I started abortion, and made the belly a grave,
I changed religion, and replaced it with strange philosophies,
Gave u a false sense of equality, and named it democracy"

Reading this made me realise just what it is I love about poetry.
Well done.

 

[ImmortalTech]

thanks.. yea, everyone seems to be feeling that lil section there more than the rest of the peice. But whatever, i guess its the few lines that catch peoples attention, and that attributes to an overall good verse.

Peace

 

[KJ1]

yeah it also sounded more like a verse but still music is poetry in most cases... but it was very well written, meaning your wordplay was delightful

 

[DaRoYaLbRaT]

This is seriously an awsome piece of work!! I enjoyed the read, and the concept. This is seriously tight!

I work with so called Muslims, Christians, and even the jews,
U cant see me, although u see my work in the news,
I gave Muslims guns, and gave the Christians Tanks,
Gave Jews funds, and they all said thanks,
I made women lose modesty, men lose honesty,
But I cant be blamed I’m only fulfilling prophecies,
I took the land of the slaves and called it the brave,
I started abortion, and made the belly a grave,
I changed religion, and replaced it with strange philosophies,
Gave u a false sense of equality, and named it democracy,


I don’t discriminate, I reside with all types of people,
Ur eyes are wide open, but u still see no evil.

^^ Awsome work. keep it up

pz

 

[ImmortalTech]

Again, thanks for the looks and replies everyone. I had been writing a bit more but not posting cuz I was gonna record it and share it with streethop but i ran into a few issues so we'll see i might just post it as texts if it doesnt seem like i'll make it to the studio.

~peace