I've attempted to kick the stoner habit for a long fucking while now.. And every time, I go through the "detox" (fuck science, I'm telling you, I'm physically ill for a couple of days and it's not just in my head) and just as shit is starting to feel better again, something fucked up happens that throws my life out of balance. Then I go back to getting high again, because I just CBA to deal with whatever's come up while I'm trying to straighten my shit out. Too much food on the plate, imo. So now I've been getting high again for a couple of months and it's time to try and kick it again. Damn my weakness. Whenever I quit I go into this mode where I just feel like I wanna live, you know? I wanna work out and move to be healthy, I wanna eat right, I wanna study, I wanna improve at things I do. I feel curious, excited, thrilled. Emotions I don't often get in periods where I smoke all day. Then something fucks me over and I start thinking shit like "okay, I'll just smoke for a few weeks till things settle and then quitting won't be such a problem". As if lol. It's just weak shit. I guess all this shit is obvious, but it's taken me time to accept it cause I've been in denial about it. It's just that I try to find some way to relieve pain that I should be taking. I just don't face problems head on like I should.
So right now I'm drinking by my lonesome and refreshing a news website. There is nothing going on on Facebook or here, and I am so god damn emo atm. The situation with my girlfriend is... I don't know. It's my first real relationship. I'm not very experienced, but it feels like maybe it'll work out. I don't care much for it at the moment. I've decided to focus on my own life more now. I started playing volleyball lol. It's fun, it's something to do, and I'm meeting new people etc. I'm mapping out a plan to start studying again. I've been focusing on the girlfriend-thing so much I've neglected things like having fun and going out. So I'm doing that again, and the whole thing with the girlfriend suddenly feels less important. We'll be spending lots of time together throughout Christmas. I'll feel it out but unless it feels right I'm gonna end it. To be honest, it's not like I wanna have kids next year or the year after even... But I'm ready to settle for someone.
Then, the biggest work I put in last year was changing my diet. I used to eat potato chips like daily. It was a night snack, it tasted fucking great, and it became a mental addiciton. Having no candy or potato chips to munch on at night time started feeling like an actual problem lol. So I'm eating healthy again, and I've slimmed down. The flabby skin on my body is starting to tighten up. Now is the time to start working out.
This is my thread. I simply had nothing to do, and some emotions I wanted to get out. I'm not really actually emo, I would be happy if I found a good TV show to watch. Something light and funny. Ideas? I've seen Community and Modern Family.
So right now I'm drinking by my lonesome and refreshing a news website. There is nothing going on on Facebook or here, and I am so god damn emo atm. The situation with my girlfriend is... I don't know. It's my first real relationship. I'm not very experienced, but it feels like maybe it'll work out. I don't care much for it at the moment. I've decided to focus on my own life more now. I started playing volleyball lol. It's fun, it's something to do, and I'm meeting new people etc. I'm mapping out a plan to start studying again. I've been focusing on the girlfriend-thing so much I've neglected things like having fun and going out. So I'm doing that again, and the whole thing with the girlfriend suddenly feels less important. We'll be spending lots of time together throughout Christmas. I'll feel it out but unless it feels right I'm gonna end it. To be honest, it's not like I wanna have kids next year or the year after even... But I'm ready to settle for someone.
Then, the biggest work I put in last year was changing my diet. I used to eat potato chips like daily. It was a night snack, it tasted fucking great, and it became a mental addiciton. Having no candy or potato chips to munch on at night time started feeling like an actual problem lol. So I'm eating healthy again, and I've slimmed down. The flabby skin on my body is starting to tighten up. Now is the time to start working out.
This is my thread. I simply had nothing to do, and some emotions I wanted to get out. I'm not really actually emo, I would be happy if I found a good TV show to watch. Something light and funny. Ideas? I've seen Community and Modern Family.
Yeah, I'm not so worried about the league thing, I'm sure it could work somehow. But I don't think I, me, and her, is the combination that will break the rule of thumb. So yeah. Maybe I should. I'll check out those two shows though.
