Sorry 4 The Pain

[Kadafi Son]

Here's my 2nd Poem in here. Me Vs Me didn't get much feedback(1).
But heres anotha one for my black females who suffer:

For all the times "we", boyz direspected you/
If you were strong at heart, "we" neglected you/
For all our ignorance and fakeness "we" flossed/
"We", at least I, am regretful for the strength you may have lost/
"We" forgot to be careful with your feelinz and sensitivity/
Instead of treating you as comrades,"we" treated you as enemies/
I wish I can heal the wounds and fix everything right for ya'll/
I love every one of my sistaz. And your blessinz aint too far./

(Brothaz, somehow. We gotta heal our women)

Peace...

 

[The.Menace]

if you don't give feedback you won't get feedback, check the rules.

I like the poem - but it's a lil short so I can't really get into it, dunno, maybe I should jsut get some sleep lol.

 

[assassin_4001]

nice piece,,,but umm but only 8 lines,,you could've at least written 15 but this is a short poem,,,,i mean i like it but it's too short,,,i could've likeed it more u know if u made it longer,,,anyhow good piece

 

[Kid_Viciouz]

I Was Feelin It man Its A short Poem Good Work. That Was Some Good Positive Shit

 

[DaRoYaLbRaT]

I liked this, it was short but i can respect that not every1 has 100 lines 2 write 2 get a msg across..

For all the times "we", boyz direspected you/
If you were strong at heart, "we" neglected you/
For all our ignorance and fakeness "we" flossed/
"We", at least I, am regretful for the strength you may have lost/

Felt how u opened this piece up, but felt like u lost it with the ending... keep it up tho.

pz

 

[Kadafi Son]

Thanx for the feedback, ya'll, but don't ya'll know that a poem doesn't have to be long. Some famous poems are short like mines. Length doesn't make the poem, the quality does.
But anyways, thanx. I'll do more, (and maybe longer ones) later.
Peace.

 

[fwn]

In my opinion the best poems are the short ones, the ones that hit the heart & make us reflect. Longer peoms usually dont stick to the point & turn in different directions. Good work man.

 

[~live2tell~]

Here's my 2nd Poem in here. Me Vs Me didn't get much feedback(1).
But heres anotha one for my black females who suffer:

For all the times "we", boyz direspected you/
If you were strong at heart, "we" neglected you/
For all our ignorance and fakeness "we" flossed/
"We", at least I, am regretful for the strength you may have lost/
"We" forgot to be careful with your feelinz and sensitivity/
Instead of treating you as comrades,"we" treated you as enemies/
I wish I can heal the wounds and fix everything right for ya'll/
I love every one of my sistaz. And your blessinz aint too far./

(Brothaz, somehow. We gotta heal our women)

Peace...

I like it, yes it's short but it's to the point and you put your message across well

Only thing I didn't like was the punctuation around "we"

 

[Synful*Luv]

I liked this one too, it was kind of short though.

I felt like as soon as I got into it, you took it away from me.

Also, as far as the "we" I didn't get too into that, I felt like it took away from the effect.

If you wanted the we to be implied then you should have left it out and let us figure it out, and if you wanted to include the "we" you should have without using the parenthesis..

 

[KiRsTyBoO]

i liked the opening lines,

but as soon as i got into it, it was over but it got the message across so it works.

left me wanting more

nice work

xXxXx

 

[jm5471]

i liked it, it kinda seemed more like a rap wit spaces for adlibs n less like a poem but i still like it

 

[kman_69]

not a bad effort man....i didnt think it was too short at all, theres no length requirement...make em as long as you want

keep em commin

peace.

 

[Saint33]

i rilly liked it, thers no such thing as too short, so don wry.

Although i think its suitable for women in general, not jus black women

 

[Jocka]

Nice work on this. I really like the message. It came across real easy. I agree that this shoulda been about 15 lines though lol. It seems like it began and ended in a heartbeat. But overall i liked it. Had a great message to it. Good work.