Story of My Death

[jm5471]

ok i wrote this back in may of 2000. it was for an english project and we had just read the book night, for those who dont know its about the holocust and we had to take lines from the book and make a poem out of it, this is one of my favorites that i have ever written, i am not jewish just to let everyone know but im my opinion i put the whole point of the book inbetween these few lines, let me know what all of yall think




death of god in the soul of a child who suddenly discovers absolute evil
smoke beneath a silent blue sky
flames which consumed my faith
coils of black smoke unfurling the sky
never shall i forget that smoke
of the nocturnal silence which deprived me
for all eternity the desire to live
never shall i forget the moment which murdered my god
my soul
turning my dreams to dust
thousands dead
little faces of children
hanging of another child
face of a sad angel
where is god?




let me know all your thoughts on this, i know that it doesnt rhyme like all my other pieces but back then i tried something a little different

 

[Kaos88]

thats a really powerful piece...i like it!!...its very dark and deep...kinda mysterious in a way if ya get me...but ye considerin u wrote it all that time ago its impressive
i really like these lines:

never shall i forget the moment which murdered my god
my soul
turning my dreams to dust

well done
peace xXx

 

[The.Menace]

well as you might know, I don't like non rhymin poems. This one is different, I love the idea and I wish I'd know the book, I could judge the poem way better then but I also like the lines you put together there. It doesn't rhyme so don't expect more love from me then what I said lol, but I love the idea and the lines you put there are powerful as well.

 

[S O F I]

Well, the poem does go along the theme of "losing faith in God when confronted by an evil", and it does a good job of portraying the Jews as a whole, in those concentration camps. However, for some, their faith grew stronger.

 

[jm5471]

thank you all for your comments i enjoy what people think about what i write, and i feel what your saying about them finding their faith more but this was with this piece and it was keen on the children dying and thats what i kinda worked in on, thanks again for your thoughts

 

[XIAN]

"Night" is a very powerful and emotional description of the Holocaust. In my mind I have two feelings about it: One is the factual, "this is what happened" feeling, the other is the fearful and heart-breaking image of the death and sadness in that time. "Night" and your poem give me that, and they are both very powerful and full of imagery which is horific and trajic and puzzling and the overall feeling of wishing that I could do something to ease and stop the pain, that took place so many years before I was born.
Thank you for sharing I really felt it.

~peace~

 

[Jokerman]

I liked its perspective. It's a perspective insinuating pragmatic realities, poetic and human.

 

[jm5471]

thanks for the feedback hope you all enjoyed it

 

[kman_69]

holy shit, cool drop!

death of god in the soul of a child who suddenly discovers absolute evil

^^first line was awesome...really got me into it

keep it up

peace.

 

[~live2tell~]

It's certainly a powerful poem, and well written. I liked the end alot.