Suicidal Friday

[shattered dreams]

hey well....its been a while since i posted last...theres a reason...a little over two weeks ago i attempted suicide...stupidist mistake of my life..thank god i survived it...so thats basically what this poem is about...it was the first thing i wrote since then.....been a while since i wrote..i felt dead...loss of words..but anyways the charcoal shit...is when you take pills..they force you to drink charcoal to clump the pills and stop them from getting in your system...hints the charcoal.and amber is my sister...hope you feel it peace

Don't know where to start dont know where to begin
after living through an ultimate deadly sin
i though the pain would be over i thought i would win
realizing i brought more pain with needles and pins
shoving pills down my throat
thinking itd be an escape goat
but instead my family, pride and life i broke
each swallow of charcoal i was forced to down
was another piece of life,the way grass looks,the way my bf sounds
suddenly my view of life flipped around
two weeks ago i wanted to be 6 feet in the ground
now its like all has changed
as i look at the bruises on my arms that still remain
to my boyfriend i once said
after that night it feels like everythings dead
but it might of been feelings confused in my head
because looking at it now that night ill never regret
it gave me feelings ill never forget
and memories ill always remember
remember the tears shed by me and amber
it gave me back a feeling of life i thought was long gone
the feeling of life, and wanting it to exist and stay long
and to me it feels so new thats why it left my feelings confused
everything felt dead cuz i no longer feel my heart being bruised
its like starting life over not knowing what to do
its like all feelings i had to learn over and start again
now im learning to love right to myself, family, and boyfriend

 

[kman_69]

^^damn that shit was striaght from the heart...

just one critisism..."thinking itd be an escape goat" -u've kinda used that in the wrong context..a 'scape-goat' is something or someone u use to blame something on.

but anyways, this was dope....im glad u lived!!..for real, i think everyone gets to that point where they feel suicidle at some point in their life...i been there a few times!....but i think if you take a step back, and look at things from another perspective....you can get over it (writing poetry is a great way to deal with it)....

 

[fisherM.A.N.]

after reading ur previous poem ("god take me know"), i began to wonder more about u and what exactly was going on..

from this poem, i can see that ur failed suicide attempt served as a wake-up call.. "suddenly my view of life flipped around / two weeks ago i wanted to be 6 feet in the ground".. and gave u a renewed appreciation for life.. "each swallow of charcoal i was forced to down / was another piece of life,the way grass looks,the way my bf sounds".. u mention that u are glad, not so much that u attempted suicide, but because u survived it and are thankful for the feelings associated with virtually regaining ur life.. "because looking at it now that night ill never regret / it gave me feelings ill never forget".. overall, another very honest and emotionally-charged piece..

it goes without saying (though im saying it) that im glad that u did survive.. thank God!..

~1~

 

[~live2tell~]

Sorry you had to write this although its a very strong piece of writing, content wise and structurally. It reads really well, and I'm sure writing about this experience has helped you to come to terms with your recent situation, I believe you can only get stronger from here on out, the trick is believing it yourself. Keep writing with this much emotion and power and you will get there in the end :thumb:

 

[Belo]

I liked the 1st 3 lines in this poem the most.. but it was all good
Glad u didn't succeed... would have been a horrible waste
And good to see you can relate your experiences thru poetry.. hopefully that helps you
Keep postin
Peace

 

[jm5471]

i liked the poem and how u poured out ur emotions into it, i had a friend that od on pills n had to drink the same typa charcole, keep ya head up n be safe

 

[Ivory$horty]

I'm sorry I didn't read this poem sooner. It does open your eyes to a lot of things, to find out so much about one person just by the poems they write, the experiences you would never wish for one to have to go through. It's amazing what poetry can do.
I can't fully relate to the experience you're describing in this, but I know that I've been at that suicidal point...a number of times actually.
It's a shame you were driven that far before realising that life itself is indeed worth it, but I'm glad you have finally seen that mistake for what it was and hopefully never make it again. Though sometimes it's hard to see, remember to always look for the good in whatever situation. Somebody wise once told me that.
Great poem, it showed depth far beyond the words you inked upon your page.

3 hugz,2 kisses,1 love
~*Ivory$horty*~

 

[shattered dreams]

thank you for all your replies, yeah this poem holds a lot of meaning to my heart..learned a lot..thank you for all your comments... much appreciated