Sympathy or Tragedy

[WayCide-Ridah]

Is it Sympathy or Tragedy(i don't really know)
Is it sympathy for tragedy(is that why we smoke?)
Is it sympathy or tragedy(is that why she a hoe?)
Is it sympathy for tragedy(who really know?)

I'm so caught up in the moment, the violence please tone it down,
We got kids, parents N' grandmas still tryna' hold it down,
You know we around corruptin' the youth,
Somewhere along the lines hip hop interupted the truth,
But that's the governments version, I see Mr. Bush rehearshin' his speech,
I know he glad Pac died cuz of the things he teach,
So reach for the sky, I'm robbin' coporate americas kids,
I'm from the reservation, still gettin' reperations cuz of the things they did,
Shittin' on wax, I'm still a loser after the tax, so why drop my battle ax when I'm ready 2 grind,
Fuck the IRS, I've been robbed, I'm just speaking my mind,
Speaking of time, people waste it,
Gettin' high we sympathetic for being wasted,
Ain't it a tragedy when people half bad as me get toe tagged,
Lived good lives, I ain't a killer so I don't brag,
But I smoke that ganja, weed is sweet,
So I think it's sympathy for tragedy that makes us weak

I really some help on this, definitely not the best but give me some feedback

 

[nebb1234]

I like the whole platform, sympathy for tragedy makes us weak, and I like the things you said. native people get fuccin' abused by the government in canada as well. I think that you could add lines inbetween what's already there to paint pictures of some of the things you say, like on

"I'm from the reservation, still gettin' reperations cuz of the things they did,
Shittin' on wax, I'm still a loser after the tax, so why drop my battle ax when I'm ready 2 grind,"

maybe after things the did, tell us about something they did, take the oppourtunity to expand more on a big line like that, also I thought that
"Speaking of time, people waste it,
Gettin' high we sympathetic for being wasted,"

was not only a really good line, but a good transition into a new train of thought from the lines before it.

good shit dude keep it up, the structure and messages are there for sure, keep pumpin your time into your rhymes.

 

[ImmortalTech]

like nebb said man, the whole topic, and idea is great. Some of the stuff u went into can be expanded alot. Its a deep lil peice man. i like the hook in the begining too, definitely something that can be put on wax. It might not be ur best shit, but its still a real msg. and in hiphop to me personally thats what matters most.

~peace