The Door That Blows Backward

#1
this is a pretty long piece, i just now wrote it, i hope you guys read it all, it's kind of unclear as most of my poems are, just my thoughts on paper in some sort of a story lol. Anyways, people drop your links to your pieces and i'll get at them for sure.


------------------------------

(on the doorstep to your past)
.
.
.
While you uknowingly knock
You knock knowing, as it turns slowly, the knob
The peephole fills with the eye of who you were
Truthfully confused at first,
you engulf the sight of your youth reversed
And then the creaking from the crack in the door
Instinctual responses, your actions ignored
The sound of the board as the figure ignites your sight
Your hands to your brow as you encounter the blinding light
A shadowy image, a mirror of memories meshed forever
The moment of mirage as everything connects together
And there you are.
Scared, your heart..pounds,
The sounds of your chest extracting
Seeing the end, no need to pretend with the relentless acting
You see the probabilities as what they are,
Statistics, insignificant when you trust your heart.
When your pupils progrees upwards and pause at the picture
You see fear at the door,
And tears hit the floor as your jaw starts to quiver
A realiziation, and this is when your doubts begin,
As the door opens, you notice it goes out, not in.
Your insight accepts it as an invite, and you take a step
He doesn't retreat, instead he ALSO takes a step.
Raising your right hand as a greeting, you see him raise his left
Eyes wide as you both take a breath,
Befuddled, confused, you see the image is you,
A mirror response!.. wondering if this could be true.
As it happens again,
The opposite movements of the hand you extend.
In need of a chance,
You see in the past, yourself is what you witness,
Except the happiness he expresses.. is something different
HIS smile is true, no false expression just open vision,
You keep walking forward, however there is no collision.
And then it occurs, you see your life from your youth again,
You look into the future that was your past and the confusion ends
The lifeline of YOUR timeline and its lovely range,
The kid in the glass,
Until you see yourself from your once innocent past,
You'll never realize how much you change.
 

The.Menace

Well-Known Member
Staff member
#2
Yeah homie, this is hot. Your style is jsut so different from mine, great wordsuse etc. You spend a lot time actually talkin about the door etc, I don't do that or I can't do that, but yeah I like it. About it beein unclear, I don't think so. I think I know exactly what you try to say and how you feel. Good creative piece.


P.S: This isn't how it goes usually Henny lol, please make sure you drop replies and follow the rules, why don't you start over there?
http://www.streethop.com/forum/thread147053.html
http://www.streethop.com/forum/thread145470.html

peace
 

Ivory$horty

†PoeticPrincess†
#3
Wow. I haven't responded to a piece in here for a long ass time, but coming across this...I felt compelled to. This was an AMAZING piece from you. I loved the flow of this, off the hook as always...and what you wrote about...unique! I truly felt this, all of it. I can't pick it apart cos each line just seemed to get better and better. It's great to see you're still writing. I truly loved this.
Keep it up.

3 hugz,2 kisses,1 love
~*Ivory$horty*~
 
#4
thanks for the replies Menace and Ivory:)

Menace, i know lol, sorry about not doing the replying first, but i'll get at those 2 for sure.
 
#8
that shit was awesome man....really nice visuals...love the whole concept...wasnt that hard to understand :)

reminds me of a killah priest song called de ja vu....

very nicely written!...flow was real tight too!

keep itup man! i'll def be checkin for more of your peices!

peace
 

Elmira

Well-Known Member
#10
I see something's here haven't changed. Your writing is still excellent.

I liked this for a lot of reasons, made me questions things, and it felt all too familiar.

They say when you are through changing, you are through. I always enjoy reading about change as it applies to us.
 
#11
Hennessy said:
this is a pretty long piece, i just now wrote it, i hope you guys read it all, it's kind of unclear as most of my poems are, just my thoughts on paper in some sort of a story lol. Anyways, people drop your links to your pieces and i'll get at them for sure.


------------------------------

(on the doorstep to your past)
.
.
.
While you uknowingly knock
You knock knowing, as it turns slowly, the knob
The peephole fills with the eye of who you were
Truthfully confused at first,
you engulf the sight of your youth reversed
And then the creaking from the crack in the door
Instinctual responses, your actions ignored
The sound of the board as the figure ignites your sight
Your hands to your brow as you encounter the blinding light
A shadowy image, a mirror of memories meshed forever
The moment of mirage as everything connects together

And there you are.
Scared, your heart..pounds,
The sounds of your chest extracting
Seeing the end, no need to pretend with the relentless acting
You see the probabilities as what they are,
Statistics, insignificant when you trust your heart.

When your pupils progrees upwards and pause at the picture
You see fear at the door,
And tears hit the floor as your jaw starts to quiver
A realiziation, and this is when your doubts begin,
As the door opens, you notice it goes out, not in.
Your insight accepts it as an invite, and you take a step
He doesn't retreat, instead he ALSO takes a step.
Raising your right hand as a greeting, you see him raise his left
Eyes wide as you both take a breath,
Befuddled, confused, you see the image is you,
A mirror response!.. wondering if this could be true.
As it happens again,
The opposite movements of the hand you extend.
In need of a chance,
You see in the past, yourself is what you witness,
Except the happiness he expresses.. is something different
HIS smile is true, no false expression just open vision,
You keep walking forward, however there is no collision.

And then it occurs, you see your life from your youth again,
You look into the future that was your past and the confusion ends
The lifeline of YOUR timeline and its lovely range,
The kid in the glass,
Until you see yourself from your once innocent past,
You'll never realize how much you change.

Great drop in its entirety. Nice to see you you're still writing Henny and still writing well at that. I highlighted my fave parts but I liked and could appreciate the poem as a whole :)
 

ArtsyGirl

Well-Known Member
#12
While you uknowingly knock
You knock knowing, as it turns slowly, the knob
The peephole fills with the eye of who you were
The start pulls you in and doesnt let go ;) very nice poem, indepth, great concept. I usually dont read long poems coz I'm lazy, so take it as a compliment that I read this lol :D Keep it up.
 

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