The Return of the Lyricist.....

[Confucius87]

Replied to: LyricalFlame, ImmortalTech, Aristotle

I'm killin' 'em out there - they say I'm quite a heartless bastard/
'Cause my Air Ones stay whiter than Marshall Mathers/
Man, I don't mean to be dissin' ya' flow/
But you couldn't be this cold if you lived in the snow/
I tell these lames stay away from me/
So now these fake niggaz hatin' me 'cause I keep cake like a bakery/
I'm stackin' on the daily/
Dudes know ain't nothin' this strong hit the streets since Crack in the '80s/
So, of course I'm blastin' off/
'Cause they say me with a mic is like a young Jordan with a basketball/
Young'n, I stay flossin' often/
Shoot him in the ankles, he'll have Red Sox like Boston/
So calm down, or I'm gon' hit you/
'Cause I ain't talkin' 'bout 20 cent when I say I keep the .4-nickels/


.......Good or bad feedback, post it regardless

 

[CalcuoCuchicheo]

Shit man, I HAD to reply to this since it's better than almost everything else in here & yet remained stagnant without a reply for so bloody long.

So yeah, I hate trying to figure out flows in text but here, while line length varied, syllable & rhyme scheme wise this is a pretty flexible piece.

All the lines were on point. Obviously there's no real undercurrent theme for this piece but rather, just a bunch of nice rhymes & punchlines.

They're all pretty solid but, just to be generic, I'll pick a favourite couplet.

Young'n, I stay flossin' often/
Shoot him in the ankles, he'll have Red Sox like Boston/

Now, other shit was tight too & even though I think the line is a bit corny (simply for the fact that you wouldn't shoot a dude in the ankles lol), I appreciate it for the wit obviously, but what I really like is the onomatopoeic value of it. I've always been a sucker for that type sound. I think it was Biggie that made me love it & now Shyne does it too. I was rhyming this couplet in my head like they would.

Anyhoo, very nice drop man. I'd like to see you focus on something & create 3 16s for us. :thumb:

 

[Confucius87]

finally...someone replied lol. thanx for the feedback, i really appreciate it. i'm definately going to post something soon:thumb:

 

[ImmortalTech]

tight shit, a small drop, but the flow was on point. Everything was pretty much covered by Calcuo, although the red sox line didnt sound corny to me.... hmm the last line, it is clever, but for some reason i wasnt feelin' the ".4-nickels"... but hey thats ya style.. so its all gravy

... keep droppin

peace