The Rose

[xXHizzo.M40Xx]

i know this sort of rips off tupacs
"rose that grew from concrete"

But i liked the idea of so much i had to write a poem around this concept. Its totally different from the original... and is based on a different subject... Hope you like it...

The Rose

The anfractuous pedicel of the new born rose,
Slowly depicting the path thru the times,
Telling a story as it grows,
Will it make it through the bitter weather?
Or will it slowly wilt and cease to live,
But still through the trials of adversity,
From the concrete this rarity still stands,
Proud and steady, each thorn emerges,
Each leaf unfolds,
Hoping one day to effloresce into
Something much more beautiful,

But what this rose can’t comprehend,
That she’s a miracle in the present,
Surviving this far, through the altercating wind and rain
Suffering the tortuous, modern day pain,
To be able to cherish the heat of Apollo’s rays,
The roots, entwined and embedded with the heart
Strings of others and now my very own,
Perduring her spirit is my only goal,
Gaining strength from the inamorata around,
Juxtaposed with a seraph, no difference would be found,
Both so intricate, and very much elegant,
Illustrative of both felicity and of sorrow
Without the other neither could exist
A benediction that cant be missed,
The rose that grew from concrete.



Peace out

xXHizzo.M40Xx

 

[Florida123]

i enjoyed reading it...strong language and good use of vocabulary skills...keep it up

 

[~live2tell~]

Very good, nice and articulate, lil complicated for me cus of all the big words but it made it pretty. Nice subject and you definitely made it your own.

 

[Cown]

Nice poem, like the way you used the words you did, made it personal and gave it something extra :thumb:

 

[Levendi]

i have to say, the use of the big words is annoying after about the 3rd one. It just comes off sounding forced and an attempt to be intellectual. No offense, thats just what i felt reading it. I cant appreciate a poem that has me running to the dictionary each sentence, perhaps that speaks badly only for me, but i think others feel it too, they just havent said so...

Keep it up anyway, the concept was not original as u said, but you flipped it and gave it your ow direction which was good...


peace.

 

[xXHizzo.M40Xx]

thanks for the feedback. I appreciate the comments levendi.... but thats part of the complexity of the poem is part of the meaning to it... i dont usually write poems like this, but then again i have never dated a complex girl B4 until now... haha

Hizzo

 

[shattered dreams]

i liked this poem a lot, i liked the way you put your words together. nicely done. favorite lines are

Surviving this far, through the altercating wind and rain
Suffering the tortuous, modern day pain

 

[MaKa\/eLiThaD0N]

this is a poem that i enjoyed quit a bit keep up the good work

 

[Belo]

I liked that.. I have a poem about a rose too.. hehe but no concrete..
1st two lines I was like huh? lol.. never even heard those words and I'm an English teacher.. shame lol
Was a great poem and I liked the complexity and the time you obviously put into it
Good work
Peace
Belo