The scraps of the gown

Elmira

Well-Known Member
#1
The night, she is old
and she walks with a cane
and she is tapping it down the sidewalk
in warning of the day

And with careful cold fingers
she is collecting her shroud
laid by the milk at the step of each house
just the scraps of the gown
of that orange-haired girl
who's been courting the dusk
half-way 'round the world

And behind blue-stained hills
the prisoner waits
and he is rattling the sun
like a ball on a chain
and his coat is the sky
and the stars are his food
but he's pursuing a woman
who is pursuing her youth

And the beds will be stirring
as I turn a key in its lock
a gambler should've known what was won must be lost
and an auto piano player played this song to the dark
the clock it did weep while it pushed us apart

And love is a gear
that will turn on it's own
dispensing the bottles to the ones left alone
and we will bury the bones
of our hearts one more time
as we drink to the ghost
of the end of the night
 

Synful*Luv

Well-Known Member
Staff member
#2
Wow, that was beautiful girl.

It reminds me of some pieces I've read over in different poetry classes, it has a nice flow to it and it tells a wonderful story.
 
#3
yeh that was a powerful piece...well written wiv plenty of emotion. i really liked it...was different n special, nicely done elmira. favourite lines had to be:

And love is a gear
that will turn on it's own
dispensing the bottles to the ones left alone
and we will bury the bones
of our hearts one more time
as we drink to the ghost
of the end of the night

nice work...repped!!!
peace xXx
 
#4
I'm always amazed when I read your poetry, you sound so grown. :) I loved this part:

And the beds will be stirring
as I turn a key in its lock
a gambler should've known what was won must be lost
and an auto piano player played this song to the dark
the clock it did weep while it pushed us apart

I'm not sure I get what you're saying entirely but I enjoyed it. Made me kind of sad, though.
 

ArtsyGirl

Well-Known Member
#6
Very nice, I like the short lines just the way you constructed it was really good. My favourite line and the one that grabbed me was:

And behind blue-stained hills
the prisoner waits
and he is rattling the sun
like a ball on a chain
and his coat is the sky
and the stars are his food
but he's pursuing a woman
who is pursuing her youth
Especially the last two lines. Well Done.
 

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