There's no happiness in love

[Missy "C"]

so I've finally decided to post something I wrote! but I'm not sure if this goes here or in Show Ya Flow, cuz actually it's the first verse of the first song I'm trying to write, but I don't post the complete version cuz it's still under process. So tell me what you think about it, sorry if I made many grammar mistakes, english isn't my mother tongue!



If I’m alone tonight
it’s cuz I’m thinking of you
Reminicing of past years
and all I’ve been through
I wish you were here right now
to make my dreams come true
visions of a future,
like a desease with no cure
My feeling was so deep
I let my soul free
Just to find out in love
freedom doesn’t exist
I became a slave of my obsession
making my way towards depression
I was dreaming of perfection
In a world full of questions
I felt reality had vanished
And my eyes went blind
Like in a dark room
I only trusted my heart
Now passion’s dissapeared
And my mind is back
It was time for me to realise
there's no happiness in love

 

[Kadafi Son]

Wow....
That was some deep shit. I like that, homie. I can sorta relate. Repped.

 

[Missy "C"]

thx for taking the time to read it, much aprecciated I'm glad you liked it

 

[The.Menace]

Oh Missy, I never knew you write. That's great.

Hm, anyway, is it me or to those new cats all ignore rhyme shemes? I mean miss you rhyme ever second line with "you, through, true, cure" ( I ain't sure if true and cure is a rhyme but well let's count it)..... and then u suddenly rhyme deep and free. but not every second line. So basically you start with a cross rhyme, change it for 2 lines, then love and exist doesn't rhyme at all, then you continue with pair rhymes..... well, you know what I mean, in my world of symetry this isn't acceptable.

I dunno maybe I gotta post a poem myself to show ya all what I mean.

 

[Shadows]

Great poem i liked it. And that is why there are friends with benefits

 

[k69atie]

hey missy, i really enjoyed reading this, a very emotional piece of writing! :thumb: well done, hope to read more from you in the future

 

[Sebastian]

I became a slave of my obsession
making my way towards depression
I was dreaming of perfection
In a world full of questions

nice drop Missy. thats ^^ the part i liked the most

oh and its disappeared, not dissapeared (sorry for being a smart-ass )

 

[The.Menace]

Noone cares about the rhyme schema,

 

[Missy "C"]

Noone cares about the rhyme schema,

no, I do care about the rhyme schema! but I don't know a lot about symetry and that stuff, I just write, that all Though now that i read it again I think I'm startin to understand you, I'll try to pay more attention to it next time. Thx a lot for the feedback :thumb:


And thx to everyone else, like I said before, I really appreciate you took the time to read it

 

[~live2tell~]

so I've finally decided to post something I wrote! but I'm not sure if this goes here or in Show Ya Flow, cuz actually it's the first verse of the first song I'm trying to write, but I don't post the complete version cuz it's still under process. So tell me what you think about it, sorry if I made many grammar mistakes, english isn't my mother tongue!



If I’m alone tonight
it’s cuz I’m thinking of you
Reminicing of past years
and all I’ve been through
I wish you were here right now
to make my dreams come true
visions of a future,
like a desease with no cure
My feeling was so deep
I let my soul free
Just to find out in love
freedom doesn’t exist
I became a slave of my obsession
making my way towards depression
I was dreaming of perfection
In a world full of questions
I felt reality had vanished
And my eyes went blind
Like in a dark room
I only trusted my heart
Now passion’s dissapeared
And my mind is back
It was time for me to realise
there's no happiness in love

Content wise it was good, but like Menace said the rhymes need some work. Liked the vocab you used, hope you keep writing!

 

[Missy "C"]

Content wise it was good, but like Menace said the rhymes need some work. Liked the vocab you used, hope you keep writing!

I know what you mean, but I've been working on the rhymes and the symetry so I'll try to post an improved version of the whole poem once I finish it.

Thx for the feedback

 

[~live2tell~]

I know what you mean, but I've been working on the rhymes and the symetry so I'll try to post an improved version of the whole poem once I finish it.

Thx for the feedback

Cool

Look forward to reading it

 

[The.Menace]

I know what you mean, but I've been working on the rhymes and the symetry so I'll try to post an improved version of the whole poem once I finish it.

cool, I look forward to that

 

[True Thugz]

I like it. Simple but thats all ya need to get ya point across a lot of the time. Easy to read and easy to understand. I hope when you look back at this poem/song (being one of your first) you can say that the last line of it is total crap :thumb: hehe

 

[KiRsTyBoO]

that was deep and had a lot of feeling in it.

"I became a slave of my obsession
making my way towards depression"

my fav line ^^ can relate to it, its a real nice piece,
keeping it simple does the job, gets your thoughts over.

xXxXx

 

[stefanwzyga]

Nice poem missy, straight from the heart! Well played.:thumb:

 

[Cooper]

so I've finally decided to post something I wrote! but I'm not sure if this goes here or in Show Ya Flow, cuz actually it's the first verse of the first song I'm trying to write, but I don't post the complete version cuz it's still under process. So tell me what you think about it, sorry if I made many grammar mistakes, english isn't my mother tongue!



If I’m alone tonight
it’s cuz I’m thinking of you
Reminicing of past years
and all I’ve been through
I wish you were here right now
to make my dreams come true
visions of a future,
like a desease with no cure
My feeling was so deep
I let my soul free
Just to find out in love
freedom doesn’t exist
I became a slave of my obsession
making my way towards depression
I was dreaming of perfection
In a world full of questions
I felt reality had vanished
And my eyes went blind
Like in a dark room
I only trusted my heart
Now passion’s dissapeared
And my mind is back
It was time for me to realise
there's no happiness in love

very nice :thumb:

I became a slave of my obsession
making my way towards depression
I was dreaming of perfection
In a world full of questions

My fav part

 

[Missy "C"]

thx again for the feedback :thumb: I'm glad you liked it cuz this was so personal... and True Thugz, I already think that :S

 

[Saint33]

wow missy, i rilly, rilly enjoyed this, its very very deep

way deeper than ne of my stuff ive posted or writin. repped :thumb:

 

[Kaos88]

yeh i really liked this piece, so deep and so much emotion gone into it. i can relate to it and i like that!!
good work missy
peace xXx