Tragedy

[Sebastian]

Tragedy


Spent some time
Alone in my room
No noise, no light
Nothin but gloom

The more I think
The more it seems hopeless
The feeling of love
Is simply priceless

My heart is waiting
For a final release
The moment of luck
To find some peace

Escaping that
Never ending sadness
Sometimes the tunnel
Seems just endless

When will I finally
Reach that one goal
To free my troubled
And lonely soul

-----

something i did a couple of months ago. felt like posting it feedback appreciated

 

[jm5471]

i liked it, it kept a constant rhyme scheme which was good and made it easy to read and i also like the concept u were portraying, keep ya head up and i hope ya find sum 1 ur lookin 4..........keep on writing

 

[shattered dreams]

My heart is waiting
For a final release
The moment of luck
To find some peace


those were my favorite lines, express what i feel alot. nice poem, i liked this one alot

 

[~live2tell~]

Tragedy


Spent some time
Alone in my room
No noise, no light
Nothin but gloom

The more I think
The more it seems hopeless
The feeling of love
Is simply priceless

My heart is waiting
For a final release
The moment of luck
To find some peace

Escaping that
Never ending sadness
Sometimes the tunnel
Seems just endless

When will I finally
Reach that one goal
To free my troubled
And lonely soul

-----

something i did a couple of months ago. felt like posting it feedback appreciated

nice, i liked it alot. when you do find what you're looking for - waiting for the right moment, that one person to let in, well all the loneliness seems worth it in the end.

i like your rhymes and vocab, kept it simple and honest, keep it up.

 

[Sebastian]

thx to everyone who replied :thumb:

 

[xXHizzo.M40Xx]

Like how each line is short and straight to the point... dunno whether any1 else noticed it, but the way the poem is layed out in the short lines and stanzas, really gave the the impression of being trapped in... it also reflects the tunnel like feelings... really good poem... you've expressed yourself creatively...

 

[Mad skillz]

cool poem. the way you out across what you were saying in only 3 or 4 words was good.

 

[Cown]

Really nice poem, I think it's something every person can relate to... Just waiting for the right person to come along and fill up the hole in your chest with their love :thumb: very nice, keep it up

 

[Sebastian]

again thx for your replies :thumb:

 

[XIAN]

"My heart is waiting
For a final release
The moment of luck
To find some peace

Escaping that
Never ending sadness
Sometimes the tunnel
Seems just endless"


That's very soulful and emoional. Probably because I can relate but also because it just is.

Peace.

 

[Buck_Buck_Bing]

real interesting, keep up the nice poems, well down 5 stars for u *****

 

[kman_69]

different....i liked the way it was written

very dark


keep it up

 

[Ivory$horty]

When will I finally
Reach that one goal
To free my troubled
And lonely soul

^^ Loved the ending to this. I love dark pieces, I'm not too sure what it is about them. Maybe it's the fact that when your heart or soul is in pain, it's then a poet will write some of their best work to date.
Really great poem, I loved it.
Keep it up

3 hugz,2 kisses,1 love
~*Ivory$horty*~

 

[fisherM.A.N.]

u really do portray a feeling of isolation and loneliness in ur first 4 lines.. "Spent some time / Alone in my room / No noise, no light / Nothin but gloom".. and as u isolate urself, u begin to have thoughts of longing and hopelessness.. "The more I think / The more it seems hopeless".. being alone is a "sadness" that u compare to being in a dark, endless tunnel.. ive been in a similar situation.. waiting and waiting for that day when u'll find that person.. coming to the point where u believe that day will never come.. thinking that finding a "soul mate" is something that only happens in the movies.. u let that negativity and doubt color ur world until all u see is darkness.. and in that darkness, u only feel more isolated.. more lonely..

short lines with simple rhymes worked well to get ur message across..

~1~

 

[Belo]

cool poem. the way you out across what you were saying in only 3 or 4 words was good.

I agree... said a lot in only a few words
I really liked this, simple and short.. str8 to the point
Really nice poem man.. and I was feeling wat ur saying too
Great work
Peace

 

[radkin]

nice one, good flow and good expression, I can feel ya pain man

 

[Sebastian]

When will I finally
Reach that one goal
To free my troubled
And lonely soul

^^ Loved the ending to this. I love dark pieces, I'm not too sure what it is about them. Maybe it's the fact that when your heart or soul is in pain, it's then a poet will write some of their best work to date.
Really great poem, I loved it.
Keep it up

3 hugz,2 kisses,1 love
~*Ivory$horty*~

Thx Ivory. i really do appreciate that u liked it

I agree... said a lot in only a few words
I really liked this, simple and short.. str8 to the point
Really nice poem man.. and I was feeling wat ur saying too
Great work
Peace

again, appreciate your praise :thumb:


thx to everyone else too :thumb:

 

[Blunted Dreamz]

i agree with all the others about the short, simple structure, it really expressed your emotions at the time you wrote it (hope you don't feel that way now?!?). enjoyed it very much!!

 

[Bender]

Trusty 4-line stanza, can never go wrong. Not sure about the title. Good start, better finish, greater whole!

 

[The.Menace]

Oh I love this, I missed it, didn't know you're writing. It's different, I like that.