Unmasking the Devil

[Bender]

Unmasking the Devil.


For centuries now I have but seen,
Your faceless life, your twisted spleen.

Devoid of truth, it soaked me up,
Playing my heart, I drank your cup.

Come this day our eye-to-eye,
It's there I seen true naked lies

If they were one and did but knew,
Their soul is gone and face's two.

I did not mean this to be a race,
Never thought i'd see the day/your face.

But now I know to grasp at me,
was not the way it was meant to be.

So test me now and be assured,
where you now stand is not my floor.

 

[imported_MAKaveli_10]

nice

 

[Emma]

Come this day our eye-to-eye,
It's there I seen true naked lies

My favourite bit ^^
You ended it well also, good drop :thumb:

 

[CalcuoCuchicheo]

Hmm, I've got one or two questions.

Although poetry does need to be perfect in terms of grammar & such - especially when certain techniques are employed - I do wonder about the part 'If they were one and did but knew' <<< while I know what you are saying, this is a stark error in English.

And the lines Emma quoted, well the first line would suggest that 'this day' is still to arrive & yet the second line implies that it has already done so. Plus, the use of 'true' & 'naked' together was unnecessary unless you were playing up to the title with these two being necessary to constitute 'pure truth'.

But then of course, you follow these words with the word 'lies' which makes me wonder, what are 'true naked lies'? I mean, I know a 'naked lie' can be taken to be a lie which is easily seen but did you really intend these lines to convey that seeing through the Devil is easier than easy?

 

[Bender]

Hmm, I've got one or two questions.

Although poetry does need to be perfect in terms of grammar & such - especially when certain techniques are employed - I do wonder about the part 'If they were one and did but knew' <<< while I know what you are saying, this is a stark error in English.

And the lines Emma quoted, well the first line would suggest that 'this day' is still to arrive & yet the second line implies that it has already done so. Plus, the use of 'true' & 'naked' together was unnecessary unless you were playing up to the title with these two being necessary to constitute 'pure truth'.

But then of course, you follow these words with the word 'lies' which makes me wonder, what are 'true naked lies'? I mean, I know a 'naked lie' can be taken to be a lie which is easily seen but did you really intend these lines to convey that seeing through the Devil is easier than easy?

You are critical Calcuo.

Tbh I wrote this in haste, and I tend to know what I'm writing about and then attempt to explain it afterwards. Which often works for me, not if people want to understand me though...

'If they were one and did but knew,
Their soul is gone and face's two.' - With this I imply the Devil is two people who doesn't know it 'if they knew they were one (person)'. This is enforced by the 'face's two'. 'Their soul is gone' being self explanitory.

'Come this day our eye-to-eye,
It's there I seen true naked lies' - maybe I did get my past/present tense mixed up, again I wrote in haste, trying to catch the moment of revelation. Guess it didn't come across that well.

What are true naked lies? It could make someone wonder I guess. I'll let you figure that one out yourself, as does the beauty of poetry.

 

[CalcuoCuchicheo]

I hope you didn't feel offended by my criticism - which I attempted to make constructive - it's just that without true opinions this section is useless.

I feel a lot of people read things in here & don't really have an opinion on them & just compliment the poet rather than questioning what he means, what were his intentions etc, etc.

 

[Bender]

Criticism can be worked with.

It deserved some.

 

[~live2tell~]

Not everything can be explained when it comes to poetry, sometimes it takes away from the mystery and uniqueness of art. One of the great things about poetry is that you can interpret it totally different to how the author intended, helping and pleasing individuals in different ways. I love poems that can mean so many different things, its great deriving meaning when its more of a challenge!

I believe 'true naked lies' to mean lies that are told unabundantly with a truthfulness from the person telling them. I have no idea of the true meaning but who cares.

Yeshua - I thought your poem was really good and thought provoking, it was refreshing to read something so different.


P.S. You write very cleverly.

 

[Bigg Limn]

This was pretty solid, it had a steady rhythm throughout its entirity, although it got a bit jumbled in these lines:
"I did not mean this to be a race,
Never thought i'd see the day/your face."
Other than that the rhythm was pretty solid. The only line I didn't like was "If they were one and did but knew" - the use of the word "knew" is way out of place, and almost makes the line not make sense (the only thing that saves it is the assumption that you meant "know"). I understand that you wanted it to rhyme with "two" but maybe something like "Their soul is gone, two faces shown" or something along those lines. Then you would be able to say "know" in the line before it, rather than "knew," and have the line make more sense. The ending rhyme is a bit forced too, although I can see how you were trying to convey it. Other than that though I enjoyed this poem, and the feeling throughout it.

Peace