Untitled 2

[xXHizzo.M40Xx]

hey, found this poem the other day whilst rooting thru my draws... wrote it early last year... let me know what u think..

Reflection in the window,
A face I hardly recognise,
No happiness glow,
Just waiting for my demise,
The harsh winds beat down,
On my worn body,
No smile present, only a frown
Visible to nobody,
Except myself, but I’m slowly fading away,
This road I travel is the only known way,
“Thru every dark night there’s always a brighter day”
the words ring in my ears like I only heard them yesterday
Where is my brighter day, it has yet to arrive
Only loneliness I feel in the depths of it I dive,
No heat from the sun,
Only light from the moon,
What have I done?
To deserve all this gloom
But still I travel on the only road I know
Hoping one day that I will come
To my destination, away from rain wind and snow,
One day this life someday will be done.

 

[Cown]

Reopened

Thank you

 

[~live2tell~]

Thought your expression of mind was really great in your writing... liked the whole concept of you looking through your window out at the world. Your poem is definitely something I can relate to, I'm sure alot of people can. I liked the vocab you used and your rhyming was nice aswell.

My fave parts >>>

No smile present, only a frown
Visible to nobody,
Except myself, but I’m slowly fading away,
This road I travel is the only known way,

and

Where is my brighter day, it has yet to arrive
Only loneliness I feel in the depths of it I dive,
No heat from the sun,
Only light from the moon,
What have I done?
To deserve all this gloom

Great writing and very expressive, well done.

 

[fisherM.A.N.]

it seemed to me as if u were comparing ur life to a perpetual night.. "No heat from the sun, / Only light from the moon, / What have I done? / To deserve all this gloom".. u express a very dark and melancholy depiction of ur existence as u are "waiting for [ur]demise" in hopes for a "brighter day".. it appears to me that this "brighter day" will come upon the end of ur life on earth.. are u talking about an afterlife? heaven?..

good work.. vivid imagery..

~1~

 

[kman_69]

feelin the use of metephores in this one...dont think ive read anything by you before...

very cool

keep it up

 

[shattered dreams]

i really liked this poem probably one of the best ones ive seen posted on this board. beautifully written also like the rhyming schene...my favorite lines were

The harsh winds beat down,
On my worn body,
No smile present, only a frown
Visible to nobody,
Except myself, but I’m slowly fading away,
This road I travel is the only known way,
“Thru every dark night there’s always a brighter day”
the words ring in my ears like I only heard them yesterday
Where is my brighter day, it has yet to arrive
Only loneliness I feel in the depths of it I dive,

 

[Belo]

Except myself, but I’m slowly fading away,
This road I travel is the only known way,
“Thru every dark night there’s always a brighter day”
the words ring in my ears like I only heard them yesterday

^^^ those were my favourite lines.. had great flow and meaning to them
1st poem of yours I have read I think and I really did like this one a lot
I feel wat you're saying too.. I have a poem called Darker Days which is about similar things
Keep up the good work
Peace

 

[Ivory$horty]

Reflection in the window,
A face I hardly recognise,
No happiness glow,
Just waiting for my demise,
The harsh winds beat down,
On my worn body,
No smile present, only a frown
Visible to nobody,
Except myself, but I’m slowly fading away,
This road I travel is the only known way,
“Thru every dark night there’s always a brighter day”
the words ring in my ears like I only heard them yesterday
Where is my brighter day, it has yet to arrive

^^ I was feeling this whole poem, but this part hit me the most. About 2 years ago, that explained me to the fullest. I still have my moments you know, but everybody does right? You'll dig yourself up out of that hole or at least find someone who can help you out of it. I was lucky enough to find the latter.
This was a great piece, I really enjoyed reading it. Felt like I was re-living certain moments of my life so it was good to take a trip down memory lane and be thankful for how far I've come since then. And I'm sure you'll do the same thing.
Keep up the good work, I hope to read more from you.

3 hugz,2 kisses,1 love
~*Ivory$horty*~