(Untitled)

#1
I couldn't come up with a title for this one. The initial theme was jealousy, but it went in another direction, sort of, I think.



Weakness stout, from the deapths of my sorrow.
This world isn't mine, our possessions can borrow.
Finding it hard I believe, you would open the gate,
Welcoming jealousy's door, not to cower its fate.

Everything shows, in excess of its void.
Never seeing it coming, nor hearing its noise.
This pity of sorrow, an' enflamed sympathy,
Taking my life, 'cause you have none to be.

Where are we now, but under Hell of the clouds?
I came and I saw, and my efforts got doused.
Is it so hard to believe the pain of the youth?
Denial has a feeling, less than the challenge of truth.

A part of this world gives no planning to me.
In the rise of my fall, your perils can be.
Revealing it pointless to name mistakes made in this game.
Why was you given those ears? Guessing your soul is just lame.

Understanding the price of success, is but one to deter.
We will cease to move forward if we stop to refer.
The Race is now hopeless, what's the first thing I see.
Minds conditioned remotely through a thing called TV!





Please drop your thoughts, TIA.
 
#2
I like the way you have put this together, its structurally sound, although I did think it lacked emotion for me (I prefer poems that express emotions), I really enjoyed reading it. I thought the last verse was the best.
 

Donate

Any donations will be used to help pay for the site costs, and anything donated above will be donated to C-Dub's son on behalf of this community.

Members online

No members online now.
Top