Valentine's

#1
replyed to Belo(just saw I replyed to this one already so I did Xian my apolgizes),Kman and Menece





Valentines (2-3-05/6-7-05)

Verse 1:

Remember when we met that wet December night/
I saw you there, so fair, you remember right? /
How I said you were 3 words: might-tee-fine/
Time and time again you were my light that shined/
Remember my love we ran and swam in lakes? /
We bathed under the moon in lagoons that slammed our face/
Everyday from then on we became strong and fertile/
To grow a love so above any wrong or hurdle/
Worth those thoughts I wrote the hopes I spoke fresh/
Didn’t care what haters said you still fed my breath/
Your parents apparently did not approve/
But you stood by me I couldn’t believe me the fool/
Had you, the envy at school you’d play me on black tops/
Even blocked a shot we laugh so hot/
Seems so long ago since you got with him/
An oasis in the Sahara that fades away in sin/

Hook (2x):

As you fell like the acropolis/
I still wished for bliss in this metropolis/
The pathology finds deep in souls/
That on valentines you turned so cold/

Verse 2:

My homies told me to console me and step/
That we weren’t meant to be but I knew best/
What you sent me I listened to your problems/
And often with advice so nice we’d solve-em/
I call then to wish you good night, good morning/
Every day was a good day even if rain was storming/
For the down pouring of hearts made us open to weep/
The grief of reality we’ve chosen to sleep/
Deep in love you ponder what we have/
Never sad never mad your father could not grab/
How this nappy headed boy lucky to have first actually/
Someone loving me for my personality/
Not money like many, everyday I kissed you good bye/
Have a safe drive I have a surprise/
For you, but my how faith plays cruel jokes, lump to my fears/
How my tears cried as you died the 2nd month of the year/

Break

Verse 3:

The doctors didn’t know why you were dying inside/
But I could see what the soul shouted in your eyes/
This guy your first love drugged that filled you readily/
A remedy that just killed you mentally/
Empty see you couldn’t last like my friend whose car crashed/
Sad to say been 4 years she died from our class/
So mad at God I am how can I go on with my life? /
Without you by my side would’ve proposed so you’d be my wife/
But this cold night the 14th day of February/
He carried you from my heart to lay in cemeteries/
You’ve barely lived only twice a decade removed/
From the womb but he ends you my best friend whom/
I can’t help but wonder for hot rains made it sing/
My dream is laying so cold as I drop engagement rings/
But long as your smile seen in my only valiant rhymes/
I’ll never forget you every lonely valentines/

Hook (2x)






for audio go to: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=71274 (I like the remix version better more sad)
 

Ivory$horty

†PoeticPrincess†
#3
Woah....that actually bought tears to my eyes. It's been a lil while since I actually read something from you, but still as long as it has been...you never cease to amaze me with your rhymes. This was really beautiful. Real deep, emotional and thought provoking. LOVED the hook...especially the first line ;)
It's great to see you're still doing what you do best. I'll check out the audio when I get home from work.
Keep on writing!

3 hugz,2 kisses,1 love
~*Ivory$horty*~
 
#5
hey man, that was really deep!!

As you fell like the acropolis/
I still wished for bliss in this metropolis/
The pathology finds deep in souls/
That on valentines you turned so cold/

^^i agree with Ivory, the hook is real nice!

audio is nice too!

nice work man

peace.
 

The.Menace

Well-Known Member
Staff member
#6
nice, I don't like the love shit too much, therefor I was happy that it got dark at the end.

about the audio, I like the remix a lot, cause I think the beat is really supportin your style of rappin you know, I think it fits well with your flow. And yeah I agree, OG is kinda too happy or fancy or whatever you wanna call it, I like the remix.
 

AmerikazMost

Well-Known Member
#11
It was striaghtforward and doesn't really leave any room for imagination from the reader, but was pretty well put together. I really like the last line of the first verse. You put a new spin on a cliche idea. Kudos for that.
 
#12
AmerikazMost said:
It was striaghtforward and doesn't really leave any room for imagination from the reader, but was pretty well put together. I really like the last line of the first verse. You put a new spin on a cliche idea. Kudos for that.



whats there to imagine though I mean you can imagine yourself being in that sitution, I mean most stroy telling songs are str8 foward just cause it doesnt have gumdrops teardrops or anything that vivid doesnt mean thats it's too str8 forward(not mad man just explaing why I don't agree). But thanks for the props and the diffrent apsect
 

ArtsyGirl

Well-Known Member
#16
I'll save you!!! :D

Was great, and I mean that in the sadest of ways. Really put me in the situation and the emotions came across strong. I like the ending it wrapped the whole thing up nicely, and I mean that in the sadest of ways too. Well Done :thumb:
 

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