Sanja

[Belo]

This is something I wrote for the girl I'm seeing at the moment... wanted to give her something nice so I came up with this

To Hold

I wish upon a shooting star and lightning breaks the clouds
Thoughts are spinning in my head, word’s they seem so loud

On the wisps of winds that whip my ears, I hear them call your name
And when I get to heaven I’ll hear angels sing the same

Dreaming of a better day when worries disappear
Close my eyes and when I open them again, you’re here

Closer to the summit of the mountain, climbing still
Risking everything so safe, subliminal of thrills

For if you ever need a breath, then taketh mine and live
I could never let you come to harm, myself could not forgive

Please take these words and feel their warmth whenever you are cold
I wish upon a shooting star for you, for me, to hold…

 

[Belo]

oh I should add.. the 1st time we went out we saw a shooting star... hence the references

 

[GhettoStar]

This is something I wrote for the girl I'm seeing at the moment... wanted to give her something nice so I came up with this

To Hold


I wish upon a shooting star and lightning breaks the clouds
Thoughts are spinning in my head, word’s they seem so loud

On the wisps of winds that whip my ears, I hear them call your name
And when I get to heaven I’ll hear angels sing the same

Dreaming of a better day when worries disappear
Close my eyes and when I open them again, you’re here

Closer to the summit of the mountain, climbing still
Risking everything so safe, subliminal of thrills

For if you ever need a breath, then taketh mine and live
I could never let you come to harm, myself could not forgive

Please take these words and feel their warmth whenever you are coldI wish upon a shooting star for you, for me, to hold…

damn this is outstanding fo reel, like Ive said before the imagiary is quite clear as well as the idea that maybe you are talking to someone dear to you indeed. Im really feeling this post man, the whole part about whenever your cold really stands out snd shows how much love you have for this person. I enjoyed this and hopefully I will be reading alot more work from you

 

[True Thugz]

Good shit man :thumb:

I'm sure she'll be more than happy with that

 

[x7productionz]

guess whos back...back again....

been a while since i been here....or on the TB period....ANYWAY

nice drop. nothing special about the rhyme scheme or the words used to rhyme, but thats not the point.


its str8 to the point, with a clear message. i think shell love it. good job.

 

[Belo]

Thanks yall for the replies.. yea I know it's nothing amazing.. just wanted 2 share it..
I don't think love kinda poems are best filled with complex rhymes or metaphors.. simple says it best

 

[Jurhum]

Great poem. You've always did an amazing job at your poems no matter how simple or how complicated the word or rythmic style you've chose. To be honest, i always anticipate your poems...


I couldn't reply to this when you posted it cuz my account was locked. I have no idea why.

 

[kman_69]

hehe cool peice Belo...im sure she'll love it

u shown her yet?

 

[MX Red]

man if i gave this poem to someone I would be looking to marry her, great poem though...ive tried to write poems in that format...two lines like - but i can never say enough!
anyway...

For if you ever need a breath, then taketh mine and live
I could never let you come to harm, myself could not forgive

my fav lines, very sweet

peace
MX!

 

[~live2tell~]

This is something I wrote for the girl I'm seeing at the moment... wanted to give her something nice so I came up with this

To Hold

I wish upon a shooting star and lightning breaks the clouds
Thoughts are spinning in my head, word’s they seem so loud

On the wisps of winds that whip my ears, I hear them call your name
And when I get to heaven I’ll hear angels sing the same

Dreaming of a better day when worries disappear
Close my eyes and when I open them again, you’re here

Closer to the summit of the mountain, climbing still
Risking everything so safe, subliminal of thrills

For if you ever need a breath, then taketh mine and live
I could never let you come to harm, myself could not forgive

Please take these words and feel their warmth whenever you are cold
I wish upon a shooting star for you, for me, to hold…

Aww this is really beautiful poetry Belo, you did a really good job of interpreting your feelings for your girlfriend, I'm sure she loves this!

I especially liked how you incorporated the shooting star the two of you shared, makes this poem extra personal and special for the both of you.

I also liked the simpleness of it, less is sometimes more when writing and expressing feelings of love, well at least thats my opinion based on what I've come to learn.

I put the parts that stood out the most to me in bold.

I look forward to your next drop.

 

[Seren]

hey T
wel havent been on here in ages and when i saw this post felt like i had to look at it
its a beautiful poem as per usual, i bet she loved it
and im so happy that your happy, but you already kno that
lov ya lots
S
x

 

[Cown]

Beautiful poem Belo, I really liked it. No flaws, everything was perfect and very well thought out imo. This would definatly make her heart melt Have you given it to her?

 

[radkin]

Deep, simple but nice :thumb:

 

[Chrisss]

'sup T

been a hell of a long time since i been up in here huh. anyways i bet she wet herself when u gave that to her man....

Lata Dogg

 

[Blunted Dreamz]

Yep Belo, simple is really the best when it comes to love. I know she got all mushy when she read this, especially with the intimate shooting star reference...

I saw shooting stars once with this woman I was head over heels for; damn headboard almost knocked me out!!

 

[shattered dreams]

aww this was really sweet. girls always love guys who write poems....nice rhymes...
favorite lines was hard to pick but i chose


On the wisps of winds that whip my ears, I hear them call your name
And when I get to heaven I’ll hear angels sing the same

 

[jm5471]

For if you ever need a breath, then taketh mine and live
I could never let you come to harm, myself could not forgive

this was my fav poem in this one, i liked how u worked it together

 

[Belo]

Sup guys.. thanks heaps 4 the replies.. not been back on here for like 8 months but I'll try and get back on this week and check out some new poems..
Peace

 

[S O F I]

^Is she of Serb origin? Sanja is a good, Serbian name.

 

[XIAN]

For if you ever need a breath, then taketh mine and live
I could never let you come to harm, myself could not forgive

I also liked those lines. This is a great love poem. It reminds of a song I know. But good job, I agree that when you write professing love, it's best when it's simpler for the most part.
~peace~