I've seen Chalese a few times since then. She never brought the subject back up and neither did I. I was planning to the next time I saw her, but after talking to her a few minutes, I already knew the answer.
No big deal. Move on, right? I plan on it. Can't say it makes me happy, though.
I want to talk about Jokerman's idea that we should differentiate between the person we think we are and the person we actually are. I've been thinking about this for only a few minutes. Let me see here, off the top of my head. This is who I think I am. I will be as straightforward and honest as possible.
I think I am kind, funny, honest, fiercely loyal, intelligent, sometimes slightly gullible, shy, sometimes nervous, sociable around friends, very self-conscious, low self esteem, cynical, skeptical, easygoing, very laid back, approachable but non-confrontational, organized, sometimes lazy, too hard on myself, talented in many areas.
Taking that into consideration, the truth is probably closer to this:
I am kind to others, but I often approach people with a certain degree of disdain. I judge them on their appearance, their disposition. The way they talk and how they dress. I am funny, but not so much when I'm nervous. Often the humor is a bit harsh, sometimes directed at another's expense. I am honest, clear in my goals, but I cheat myself out of them by constantly getting myself off track. I guess I'm more scared than I am honest.
Loyalty is my one true, unwavering quality.
I'm smart, but envious of those who I believe to be smarter than I am and frustrated with those I believe to be far less intelligent. I'm shy and nervous in certain situations. I've come a long way with this, but it will always be a part of me. I'm self-conscious in such a way that it is unhealthy and distracting to say the least. My low self-esteem is a product of failed attempts at goals and the fact that I am much too hard on myself.
I'm very easy going. A fellow co-worker just told me yesterday that he had yet to see me get angry a single time in the two and a half years he's worked with me. That's true, but the larger truth is I keep the anger blazing on the inside because I'm too much of a coward to reveal it.
No big deal. Move on, right? I plan on it. Can't say it makes me happy, though.
I want to talk about Jokerman's idea that we should differentiate between the person we think we are and the person we actually are. I've been thinking about this for only a few minutes. Let me see here, off the top of my head. This is who I think I am. I will be as straightforward and honest as possible.
I think I am kind, funny, honest, fiercely loyal, intelligent, sometimes slightly gullible, shy, sometimes nervous, sociable around friends, very self-conscious, low self esteem, cynical, skeptical, easygoing, very laid back, approachable but non-confrontational, organized, sometimes lazy, too hard on myself, talented in many areas.
Taking that into consideration, the truth is probably closer to this:
I am kind to others, but I often approach people with a certain degree of disdain. I judge them on their appearance, their disposition. The way they talk and how they dress. I am funny, but not so much when I'm nervous. Often the humor is a bit harsh, sometimes directed at another's expense. I am honest, clear in my goals, but I cheat myself out of them by constantly getting myself off track. I guess I'm more scared than I am honest.
Loyalty is my one true, unwavering quality.
I'm smart, but envious of those who I believe to be smarter than I am and frustrated with those I believe to be far less intelligent. I'm shy and nervous in certain situations. I've come a long way with this, but it will always be a part of me. I'm self-conscious in such a way that it is unhealthy and distracting to say the least. My low self-esteem is a product of failed attempts at goals and the fact that I am much too hard on myself.
I'm very easy going. A fellow co-worker just told me yesterday that he had yet to see me get angry a single time in the two and a half years he's worked with me. That's true, but the larger truth is I keep the anger blazing on the inside because I'm too much of a coward to reveal it.